I like to think of myself as a Realistic Optimist. I hope for the best, anticipate the worst but generally believe everything will be OK.
- When my wife was diagnosed with lung cancer I did a lot of research to learn about diagnosis, treatment and life expectancy. After far too many treatments, my wife died 8 months later. Just like the statistics predicted.
- After we missed our sales numbers again and our 4th VP of Sales resigned, I was fired in a panic reorganization. I was not the least bit surprised.
- After I broke my foot in 2004 and stopped exercising, I packed on 60 lbs in 6 months. I knew that would happen.
- After I dropped out of college, it took me 10 years of working menial jobs before I was able to land a decent career position. I knew leaving college was a mistake.
I may not be good at predicting an accurate future, but I am good at predicting a dismal future.
Paradoxically, this gives me hope and the fortitude to plow through hard times.
When I sit around and think about myself for a while, I’ll start worrying:
- I’m living off of savings and will run out of money
- Now that Ellen’s gone, I’ll be alone forever
- I’ll always miss and regret giving away my cats
- And on and on and on
Then I’ll read the news and think of bigger worries:
- Climate change will destroy my life, our country and the planet
- Factory farming is horrific and unstoppable
- The military industrial complex will ensure we are always at war
- There will be a worldwide plague
- Nuclear war will send civilization back to the Middle Ages
I have three ways of dealing with thoughts like these:
- Talk to someone who can tell me I’m being crazy. That someone used to be Ellen. Now it’s my mom or my friends – although many times I’ll keep my innermost thoughts from them use to give them a break.
- Work on any project that requires focus and attention.
- Think through the fear and run it all the way through to its horrible and worst conclusion.
Number 3 is what I’m talking about today because in the end, it’s what I use the most.
I decided long ago that if things ever get too bad, I always need to have an out.
I have some outs I’ve had.
- I can always run away (from the stepfather, the job, the marriage, the debt etc.)
- If I run short of money, I can sell my house and live in my truck. (Been there, done that. It’s unpleasant but doable).
- If I am broke, I can find some crappy job to make some money. (I did this for 16 years and can do it again).
- Shoot myself in the head. (Obviously I haven’t tried this one yet).
The thing is, I’ve never had to use one of my “outs” as a worst case scenario response. Even when terrible things happened, another option was always available.
So you can rest assured, I have no plans to run away, sell my house, look for a crappy job or kill myself.
But it is comforting to know I have an out if I need one.