This past weekend I on two disappointing first dates. I guess I should have known better and been more skeptical, but I was not.
I was fooled twice by edited photos and misleading profiles.
I met both women on Bumble. Each had posted several attractive headshot photographs. Only one had a full body shot, that was taken from an extreme overhead angle.
Their profiles were witty and they both had advanced degrees and high-status careers. Each accepted my invitation to meet for coffee immediately.
From the moment I met them, I realized I had been duped. Both were overweight. Both looked much older than the photos posted on their profiles.
Either their profile photos were from many years (and many pounds) earlier or they were filtered and photoshopped to make them look younger, slimmer and prettier.
What a disappointment.
See, the thing for me is that I am only attracted to thin, fit women. I don’t know what this is the case. It just is.
So I don’t date women who are fat, because I never feel attracted to them.
I wonder if these women felt like they could use the altered photos together a first date and then “win me over” with their personalities? Or if they thought that “everyone” was doing this ? Or if they thought I might not notice the difference in person?
For me, the reason doesn’t matter.
Do you really think you’ll win me over with your personality when you faked your pictures and started out with deceit? Give me a break.
As disappointing as it was to realize from the moment I saw them that they had been duplicitous with their profile photos, I was not impolite nor angry.
I smiled warmly, we spent an hour lingering over coffee, and I engaged them in conversation. I tried to make the dates as pleasant as possible for both of us.
But I felt nothing romantic. Nothing.
After both dates, I sent a friendly thank you note saying I enjoyed our conversation but that I didn’t feel we were a good match and wished her luck. I would never just “ghost someone” unless there were serious safety concerns.
Each woman responded with a polite reply.
And so, we all wasted our time and effort this weekend.
But I learned a few lessons from these dates.
One is that I will never trust headshot only profiles. From now on, if there’s not at least one good full body image, I will assume the woman is hiding her body because she is overweight.
Two is that I will study all photos more closely. I’ll look for evidence of filters, warped backgrounds, stretched faces and elongated shots that reshape the person into slimmer, younger version of themselves.
Three is that all online dating has completely numbed me to nervousness, disappointment and rejection. I can ask anyone out now so I’m ready to start hanging out in public places where can I meet women in real life and ask them out in person. What’s the worst that can happen – I get told “no”? Big deal.
As for the two women who “duped me”, if you are happening to read this, I encourage you to take new pictures that accurately reflect what you look like today. You’re intelligent, successful, worldly and competent. Don’t start out your next relationship with deceit. Instead, be yourself and attract a man who might be attracted to the real you, regardless of your weight. Not every man feels the same way I do.
You both deserve this. Good luck.
Update June 2022 – I recently learned about Facetune and Instagram filters. I no longer think these photos were old photos. They were purposely edited with the intention to make these woman look completely different like I write about here. I ended my online dating experiment a while ago and could not be happier with that decision.