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Happy Freaking New Year

Posted on January 1, 2022 by Steve Ainslie

I despise New Year’s Eve.

It began when I was 4 years old and begged my parents to let me stay up to watch the ball drop on TV. They conceded to wake me up just before midnight to watch it.

I couldn’t wait. I was so excited. First I would be awake at midnight! Second, I had seen the big glass covered ball on TV all week and could’t wait to se them throw it off the roof and watch it smash into a million pieces on the sidewalk far below.

So a few minutes before midnight, my parents woke me up and I trudged bleary eyed to the living room to watch the ball drop.

You know what happened then. The ball was “dropped” using a slow moving elevator device all the way down until it gently reached the bottom and everyone threw confetti and blew kazoos and plastic horns.

And I was thinking, “What the f*** was that????”

What a disappointment.

Then my dad handed me a pot with a wooden spoon and told me to go out on the front porch and bang it.

Wowee.


Even though I hate NYE, I always reach out to my close friends and family to wish them a Happy New Year. This year’s message was consistent to all:

Happy New Years!

2021 can go f*** itself.

Here’s to a better 2022.

I had some fantastic things happen in 2021. So have my friends and family. At the same time, I think 2021 will go down in my memory as a kind of sh!tty 2nd Covid year.

So to all my readers (all 4 of you) – Happy New Year. And f*** 2021.

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