When I was in high school, I often realized that people I was talking to really had no interest in a meaningful conversation. I called these “Hi, How’s the weather?” conversations. After some meaningless small talk, the person would look over my shoulder, see someone they were interested in, make excuses and leave.
Since I didn’t enjoy meaningless small talk and had a chip on my shoulder, I despised those conversations. I wanted to talk about philosophy, history, love, books, science, business, movies and society. I wanted to have heartfelt, meaningful conversations like I had with my most cherished friends and teachers.
Thirty-five years later, I still crave meaningful conversations, but my attitude toward small talk has softened a little. I realize that it has its place. It’s an ice-breaker when first meeting someone. It’s a way to have a brief exchange with acquaintances I see regularly, like the lifeguards at the pool and the clerk at the grocery store.
But with people I know well, small talk still seems silly.
I find it odd that my mother begins most conversations with me by discussing the weather in her area. She spends 99% of her time indoors and is only exposed to the weather to let her dogs outside, get the mail or walk to her car.
A good friend of mine says it’s the same when he talks to his father. He says talking about the weather is a way for him to have a conversation with his father without digging up painful memories, talking politics or getting involved in any potentially emotional issues. He said that he and his father can have a pleasant, brief conversation discussing the weather and that he’s fulfilled his obligation as a son with his elderly parent. He actually recommended talking about the weather anytime I speak to my mother.
Hmm.
I understand in my friend’s case why it works for him. His father is not particularly insightful or interested in deep conversations.
I’m a little surprised my mother does this with me. We speak on the phone several times a week and often have deep conversations about serious issues.
I wonder why she cares about the weather at all.
Perhaps, like my friend, she wants to avoid having conversations that could be deep, painful or emotional.
I’m not sure and I’ll never confront her about it. I can deal with it. I actually love observing the weather. Because I spend 4+hours a day outside everyday, I am an astute observer of the micro-changes in daily weather. I closely watch for signs of rain. I study the plants and the sky. I observe the way wild animals behave – from eating to hiding to having babies.
Of course, we rarely talk about any of this when we discuss the weather. We say “It’s cold. It’s hot. It’s raining. It’s sunny.”