Thanksgiving is tomorrow and Christmas is a few weeks away. If it wasn’t for the disruption to my pool schedule, I would barely even notice this year’s holiday season. For that, I am grateful.
Since my wife passed away, this had been a rough time of the year for me. I tried various ways of getting through it – even embarking on my dating experiment last year. The holiday season used to bring up only the worst memories for me.
Not anymore. This year it is different. I don’t feel sad. I feel neutral.
Thanksgiving had always been about family to me. When I was little it meant feasting at my grandmothers house with the entire Donahue clan – or better yet, next door at my Aunt Essie’s with her family (and much better food). After we moved to Pittsburgh, it was making our own dinner at home, and sharing it with whomever happened to be living with us at the time. Into my teens and early 20s, it was dinner with my mother, my sister and her husband, and my wife. Then, my wife and I established our own tradition. We’d cook a big feast and have our family and friends come to our home to celebrate. It was good food, new traditions and lots of love. Some years, it was just Ellen and me. Sometimes we’d skip the turkey dinner and I’d grill steaks, make a scrumptious salad and we’d dine together watching movies.
The last 3 years, I’ve had Thanksgiving alone. I dreaded the thought of being invited to join someone else’s celebration. I had a litany of excuses at hand, in case I had to turn down a kind invitation from a neighbor, a pool buddy or a casual acquaintance who knew I’d be alone. I was spared the awkwardness of lying because nobody invited me. For that I was grateful.
Today, if I got an invitation, I’d graciously decline. If asked why, I tell the truth – I’m no longer much of a holiday person and I’d prefer to spend the day alone.
As for Christmas, I’m looking forward to seeing the holiday lights. I like hearing the music in the stores I visit. I like seeing Christmas trees and decorations glowing through windows at night as I take Wiggles on our predawn and evening walks. I have some fond memories of Christmas from when I was really little. Later, when I had my wife and step kids, I introduced them to Christmas. We’d decorate a tree together, hang stockings and exchange gifts. They were Jewish, so Christmas was something they had never celebrated before. We all got a kick out of it.
After the kids moved away, my wife and I barely celebrated it. She was Jewish and I didn’t care much about it. We’d order Chinese, watch football and movies and chill out. It was easygoing and low key.
So I don’t miss Christmas much at all. I can enjoy the parts I like and disregard the rest.
This might sound like a sad story of a lonely man. But it is not. I don’t feel the least bit lonely. I don’t pine for days past. I don’t wish I had a family. Or even a girlfriend to celebrate with.
If I did, I’m sure we’d figure out a way to have a good time.
But since I don’t, I’ll have a good time anyway. I plan to visit my backup pool (when my regular pools are closed). I plan to do a major house cleaning on the days when no pools are open – dusting, vacuuming, mopping and baseboards. I’ll write a little. I’ll draw a little. I’ll paint. I’ll read. I’ll watch a movie. I’ might even drum. I’ll walk the dogs, workout and probably do laundry.
For a loner like me, that’s a fantastic way to get through what used to be a bad season.