Dating, for the first time in 32 years, after a 29 year marriage (plus 3 years of single living after being widowed), has been exhilarating, exhausting, fun and frustrating.
The dating app experience kind of sucks. I am constantly the one who has to reach out to women. I have not been approached by a single attractive woman yet online (or offline, for that matter).
When I do connect with someone and schedule a date, my imagination runs wild. I think about the future. I think about schedules, availability, families, moving in together, sleeping, pets, kids, finances and everything that encompasses a fully committed “living together arrangement” or a marriage.
What happens most of the time is that after the first date, we never see each other again.
So I’m starting to rethink dating again. Even though I’d like to have a committed monogamous relationship with one woman, maybe it’s time to consider other options.
Maybe casual dating and casual sex would be OK.
There is a strong appeal for me to date an independent woman who is centered, competent and has her life together.
I like sleeping in my own bed. I like going to sleep when I’m tired, waking up at 4 AM, working out for hours on end, eating carnivore and setting my own schedule.
I’m not sure how much of this I’m willing to give up.
I was married. It was fantastic. But I gave up a lot to accommodate my wife’s children and my wife.
I have no regrets there. I just know I won’t give up as much ever again.
I think.
I want love, partnership, sex, companionship and a shared history. But that doesn’t require marriage. It might not even require committed monogamy – although I’ve never been non-monogamous and I’m not sure I even could be.
I’ll write more on this as time goes by.
For now, I have realized that my hope for an instantaneous connection with a stranger and a mutual commitment within weeks is unrealistic.
I’m not that 15 year kid, that 17 year old teen or that starry eyed 21 year old man who fell deeply, madly and totally in love with my girlfriends.
I’m a happy bachelor, who’s had 53 years of life, 29 years of marriage, a family of my own, a successful career and enough ups and downs to know there’s no going back.
And so with dating, as with everything else in life, I’ll plow forward.