I fell hard in love with my wife 29 years ago and never fell out.
Over the years, our love deepened. We became a team that could handle anything as long as we had each other.
We weathered some storms:
- Giving up custody of Zack to his father when he was 13
- Losing our daughter Liz when she was 28
- Dealing with my drinking problem
- Relocating up and down the East coast a bunch of times
- Working our way from poverty to financial stability
Even in the worst of times, we could always count on each other.
I knew she loved me completely and unconditionally. I loved her the same.
When bad times came around, we either split the burden or whoever was more capable shouldered the burden.
When good times happened, we shared the joy and celebrated our good fortune.
We were more than husband and wife. We were partners.
Over the years, my wife has had a number of challenging health issues.
- 2 back surgeries the address painful disc and spinal cord issues
- Surgeries to repair torn meniscus in both knees
- A year long treatment for a potentially fatal blood disease.
- Chemotherapy for Lymphoma 10 years ago.
Through these and all the nagging health issues that come with aging and arthritis, I’ve been by her side.
No matter how bad it seemed at the time, we were always looking for the light at the end of tunnel – recovery, remission, and life.
Now my wife is dying from lung cancer.
After 9 months of scans, tests, doctors visits and treatments with grueling side effects, she’s had little relief from her ever-increasing pain.
And the cancer keeps spreading.
Instead of continuing treatment, we’ve called in hospice to make her remaining days as comfortable as possible.
She will die at home, with me by her side. I will not put her back in a hospital nor will she go to an inpatient hospice facility.
There is no light at the end of the tunnel this time.
I never expected to be my wife’s primary caretaker. Despite our age difference and her history of health issues, I always felt like she’s taken care of me.
This is a role I would never have chosen. But I love her more than I’ve ever loved everyone. It’s a privilege and an honor for me to care for her and make her comfortable in her final days.
I just wish it wasn’t so.