I don’t believe in cheating and never have. I’d like to say I developed this as part of my moral code of ethics, but I’m not certain that’s true.
I think I was born this way. From as far back as I can recall (age 2.5), I had a profound sense of fairness. I didn’t cheat at games. I didn’t lie. I expected the same of others.
Then I grew up and learned my expectations would not be met.
My older sister and I played together. Sometimes we played games with a group of friends and other times it was just us. My sister cheated all the time. She’d lie, change the rules or simply decide how things were going to go and that was that. I could accept it or she’d scratch, pinch, punch, pull my hair or whatever other small torment she elected to do to force my compliance.
Most of my friends cheated. I guess it was their nature. Some were hypercompetitive and always wanted to win. Others just wanted to get over. They were overall decent guys, but whenever we played baseball, video games, cards or anything else, I knew they would try to cheat.
Then there were the adults.
My mother’s best friend had an open marriage and slept around. Somehow, I knew this when I was 8 years old. I couldn’t grasp why she and her husband stayed married if they both wanted to sleep with other people. (I still cannot understand this.)
When my mother began dating my stepfather, he lived with a young woman and had just had a baby. I remember my mother and him taking us to his house one day to meet the woman and her baby. Even though I was in the third grade this felt wrong to me. Why was my mother dating a man who had a wife and baby? Why were we in their house pretending we were all friends? It was extremely uncomfortable for me.
After he moved In with us, my stepfather disappeared for long weekends with no explanation. Looking back, I realize he was undoubtedly spending the weekends with other women. He also moved several of his ex-girlfriends and their kids into our home for weeks or months at a time. I remember at least 4 exes and 23 kids. I thought, “How can my mother stand this?”
Classmates from middle school and high school who were couples cheated on each other. I thought this was reprehensible. Why not just break up and be with whomever you wanted without lying and cheating?
I’ve had four serious relationships in my life.
- First girlfriend – Age 15. My first real love.
- Second Girlfriend – Age 17. I really liked her. Love? I don’t think so.
- Third Girlfriend – Age 17-20. I would have married her but we grew apart when I was in college and she was still in high school.
- Wife – Age 21-50. ‘Til death do us part.
I went on dates with other women in between girlfriends, but I never cheated on any of them. Nor did they cheat on me as far as I’m aware.
Now, as a grown man, I know far too many married people who cheat on their spouses. Despite refusing to join in gossip, I have seen, heard and been told about this many times. Almost all of the cheaters are serial cheaters. Instead of being ashamed, they often brag about it. (Yuck.)
I cannot tolerate that. I don’t respect anyone who cheats on their spouse. This stance has cost me friendships. It has made me change employers. It’s made me avoid socializing with specific people.
Since I am an adult, I have the freedom to choose who I want to be around and who I do not.
I choose not to be around cheaters.
It is not OK with me.
Postscript – I also no longer tolerate people who cheat in games. If you cheat and I find out, I’ll walk away immediately and won’t play again. It makes life much simpler for both of us.