My life today is quite spartan and restricted. After spending most of my life following traditional societal norms, I now make intentional choices to minimize what I own, what I eat, who I interact with and what I do on a daily basis.
It works for me.
Still, I have fond memories of other times in my life where I lived much differently. I loved being drunk. I enjoyed feasting on fine Italian cuisine as well as gorging myself on greasy, fried bar food. I liked the full feeling, sugar-high and carb coma that followed after binging on ice cream and half a jar of Planters peanuts as an after dinner snack. I loved going on dates with my wife and everything that went with it – the food, the drinks, the excitement, the romance, the emotions.
I just don’t do those things anymore. And, I’m happy I don’t.
Usually.
The past few days though have been difficult since my back injury has taken put me out of commission.
I’m not used to being immobilized from pain. I’m used to being only feet doing physical things for most of my waking hours. Laying around makes me crazy.
I’ve watched everything I could stomach on streaming. I’ve read books. I’ve devoured online news and content. I’ve pet my dogs.
Slowly, I am losing my mind due to inactivity
Each day gets a little better. At least now, after 3 days of bed rest, I can walk the dogs, albeit gingerly and for short distances.
Two nights ago, I decided to binge for dinner. I was thinking I’d get ice cream, peanuts and maybe the first pizza I’ve had in years. I knew I’d feel crappy the next day. But since I knew I’d be feeling crappy anyway, I thought now was a good time.
I ended up buying two big dark chocolate bars, a jar of peanuts and a jar of Rao’s 4 cheese pasta sauce.
I ate the candy bars and half a jar of nuts that first night. I was so full, I threw the remaining half jar of peanuts out.
I ate the sauce, on top of my usual dinner of meatballs, over the next two days.
It was not good.
First, and surprisingly, I didn’t enjoy the chocolate bars much. They tasted bitter and made my mouth dry. The peanuts tasted better. I used to love peanuts. But, after not eating any for years, I realized my memories of eating them is better than the taste.
The pasta sauce was delicious.
None of it was worth it.
The chocolate bars made my heart race and gave me a headache within 30 minutes. My headache didn’t go away until the next day.
The peanuts bloated my stomach and messed with my digestive system for 24 hours.
The pasta sauce was the gift that kept on giving. I had acid reflux and a bad taste of chocolate, tomato sauce, acid and peanuts for two straight days. My sleep and digestion were ruined.
It took me 2 days to recover from this binge.
The experience was good for me in that it reinforced that I no longer even want chocolate or peanuts or tour foods I once ate with abandon – even once in a while.
I can’t stand feeling like sh*t. I had literally made myself sick.
It’s been over a year since my last binge (cookies baked by my 86 year old girlfriend). That took me 2 days to recover from too.
I have a feeling my next binge might be several years away or possibly never.