Whenever I catch myself thinking “I should” or “I shouldn’t”, I pause and ask myself “Why?” Most of the time, there’s no logical reason.
Let’s take the weather for example. When it is under 70 degrees, I need to wear a fleece or I get cold. When it is 60 degrees, I need gloves to keep my hands warm and a wool hat for my head. When it is 50, I bundle up in multiple layers of cold weather gear.
Meanwhile, I see kids riding their bikes inserts and T-shirts. I see neighbors walking their dogs wearing tank tops and flip flops.
Used to think, it’s 65 degrees, I shouldn’t need to wear a fleece to stay warm. So I’d walk the dog in a T-shirt and shiver the whole time.
Why? Because 65 sounds warm? Because when I was fat, I was warm? Because when I was a kid in Pittsburgh, 65 was spring temperature? Because I’ll look silly?
I don’t do this anymore. I wear whatever I need to stay warm.
I used to think I “should” be able to not binge on junk food. After all, I’m disciplined. I’m a fitness nut. I’m a grown man.
But I can’t. Whether it’s chips, nuts, ice cream or chocolate, I’ll eat all of it in one sitting. After having to many binges that ruined my sleep, gave me acid reflux and packed on unwanted pounds, I realized that it is easier for me if I never buy these foods. When they are not in my house, I don’t binge on them. When they are, I gorge like an animal and pay for it later.
Here are some other shoulds I’ve come to reject:
- I should be over my wife’s death (it was 3 years ago)
- I should be interested in dating someone
- I should have more friends
- I should force myself to do more social activities
- I should exercise less
- I should be less rigid in my daily activities
I’ve accepted that I’m both a misfit and that I’m fairly average. This, plus an acceptance of ISness has got me to this place.
At 53 years old. What took so long?