As I was slowly fading away from the online dating scene, I came to some conclusions about dating and where I am in life.
Over the past three years, I built a life in which I am quite satisfied with who I am, what I do and how I live. I don’t live a conventional life.
- I retired early at 50.
- I choose to live frugally vs. buy more (which would require me working).
- I purposely limit my diet, my social media consumption, my entertainment choices and my lifestyle.
- I have eliminated most activities which I do not enjoy.
And then, about 5 months ago, I started using dating apps. Most of the women I see online profess a desire for travel, concerts, wine, “adventures” and fine dining.
I do very little of these activities. In the past, I enjoyed expensive vacations, fine dining, drinking wine, going to concerts and adventures. I have great memories of those times. Most of them were with my wife.
I can imagine I might enjoy some of these activities once again, with the right woman. But I also won’t project a false image that these are my preferred, regular activities.
I’ve dated several women who go to concerts frequently – some even plan travel vacations to attend concerts in other states. Another woman I dated traveled to exotic destinations on a monthly basis. Several never cooked – preferring takeout, dining out and prepackaged meals. Some like going to crowded stadiums for football games.
I’m not their guy and won’t pretend to be.
The traits and qualities I brought too my marriage and those I bring today have not been attractive to the women I’ve dated thus far.
But I’m not changing.
I like the man I’ve become. I value my self worth, my life, my kindness, my empathy, my loyalty, my values etc.
These seemed to be attractive to women when I was actively dating before I was married. There were several big differences.
- I was young and looking for a girlfriend, not necessary a life partner. My girlfriends were the same.
- It was 30 years ago. The world was different.
- With few exceptions, I only dated women who knew me from work or school. We built trust, a relationship and mutual attraction over time before going on our first date.
I can’t turn back the clock to enable the first two and I no longer attend work or school. But I think limiting my dating to women whom I get to know over time is probably the only option for me going forward.
That means, I’ll be dating much less. Which is perfect – blind dates suck.
It’s conceivable I will never date again. Perhaps I’ve had the one great love of my life and I’ll remain solo for the rest of my time on earth.
That feels fine.
As for dating apps, I’ve proven I’m not a good fit for them so I’ve relegated them to the same place as social media – I am opting out.
And I’m not sorry about it at all.