The most challenging thing about dating after having been married for a long time is building a relationship from scratch.
My friends and family told me many times, “Don’t try to replace your wife. Don’t think you will find somebody like her.”
My gut reaction to this is, “Really? Why would you even say this? Do you think I’m a moron?”
I wouldn’t do that to someone. It’s unfair to them. If I wasn’t ready to move forward with a new person, I wouldn’t be dating. That’s why I didn’t date for 3 years after my wife died. I was still mourning. I felt as if I had nothing to give.
But…
Now I am realizing some challenges with starting anew.
I had the easy comfort of a long, loving relationship. We had trust. We knew how to communicate with each other. We appreciated each other’s sense of humor. We had fun together and apart. We knew each other’s strengths and weaknesses. We complemented (and complimented) each other. We knew how to make each other feel good – and bad.
Now that I’m dating again, all of this has to start over.
And that is something I can see clearly now.
I’m not looking for anyone to replace my wife. But I am used to how our relationship worked and it will take me time to get used to something new.
When I talk to my friends about this, they often say, “You have no idea what she (the new girl) is thinking. You don’t know how she communicates. You don’t know how she feels.” They say I can ask, and I still may be clueless.
I think they are right.
And that’s how it should be. If I get deeply involved with someone, there will be plenty of time for us to learn how to build our relationship together.