For many years, I did volunteer work with people who had problems with alcohol.
We had all kinds of people show up seeking help – from college professors to homeless drunks to blue collar professionals to clergymen.
I learned that the people I could help best were those who couldn’t stop drinking and were willing to do anything to stop.
Everyone who quit successfully also had shame.
Some of us were ashamed because we couldn’t control our drinking. Some of us were ashamed of the things we had done while drunk. Others were ashamed for what we had done while sober.
Over 15 years, I saw hundreds of people turn around their lives, quit drinking, improve their marriages, establish careers, raise children and become better mothers, fathers, sons, daughters, coworkers and friends.
But there were some people who had no shame.
They had many of the same failings we all shared, but they displayed no remorse and no shame.
Every one of them failed to quit drinking.
It got to the point, where I could predict if someone would wash out of the problem quickly. If I had to ask, “Where’s your shame?” I knew that person would be back out drinking within a few days or weeks.
Where is your shame?
I find myself asking this question rhetorically all the time today.
- I ask it of Donald Trump and his spokespeople as they repeatedly tell lies and twist words to “sell us” on their “alternative facts”.
- I ask it of the US Congress, who are so vested in their own self-interest that they let citizens suffer while rewarding big corporate interests with break after break.
- I ask it of the news media, who have sold out to clickbait, innuendo, partisanship and fear mongering in order to drive profits at the expense of factual news and journalism.
- I ask the big corporations who are maximizing profits while screwing over their employees and customers.
- I ask it of trolls, commenters and the internet public on social media, who attack others with enthusiasm and snark as quickly as possible.
Aren’t you ashamed?
I don’t believe that shame is a bad thing.
It lets us know that we have stepped off the path – that we’ve chosen self-interest over character. We’ve pushed aside our conscious to satisfy our wants and demands.
When we feel shame, it is a sign from within that we need to take corrective action.
If you feel even a twinge of shame regarding your thoughts, beliefs and actions, I urge you to consider whether you should be doing something different.
If you feel no shame, you might already be leading a good life.
Then again, you might be a psychopath, a politician, a greedy corporate bastard or a selfish drunk.
It’s not up to me to decide. It’s up to you.