It’s been about a year since I did my online dating experiment. I’m happy to report that I am extremely satisfied with my status as a non-dating single man. Having some time and distance has enabled me to look at my dating experiences in a new light.
First, and somewhat surprisingly, I have a warm fondness for most of the women I met. They were smart, attractive, interesting and accommodating. I realize now that they cut me a lot of slack as I fumbled around trying to “relearn” how to date after being married for 3 decades.
Second, I think I have a better understanding for why one woman ghosted me, two others said they didn’t feel a romantic connection, and why I didn’t feel a connection with several of them after meeting in person.
Third, and most importantly, I realize that I’m not interested in using dating apps and am only slightly open to dating at all.
Even when I think about my favorite dates with The Music Fan, I can now see that we probably weren’t ever going to be a good fit for a long term monogamous relationship. She was hot. And funny. And fun. I enjoyed being with her and undoubtedly felt my heart race when I thought about her. And now, I realize that she liked me too. But that isn’t enough.
As for future dating plans, who knows? I occasionally think about some of the women I see regularly at the pool or when dog walking. I have moderate curiosity about a librarian I run into occasionally. But, unless our circumstances lead to more conversations, reveal mutual interest and we have good timing, I suspect no dates will happen.
I am A-OK with that.
I had a good marriage and a great relationship with my wife. I have a lifetime of memories from our dates, our attraction, our love and our good times together – enough to carry me for a lifetime.
I was lucky. She was lucky. We were lucky together.
Now I’m in a much different place on the back half (or quarter?) of my life. I’d never repeat what I did when I was 21. I’m not the same person anymore.
I am proud of myself that I gave online dating apps a shot last year. I put myself out there, got uncomfortable and had modest success and failures. Now I know what that feels like and I don’t need to do it again.
As for the women I dated, I can honestly say that I hope they all find what they are looking for. I think some had already found it before I met them and I suspect many others will.