Dunbar’s Number is a theory that human beings can maintain a maximum of 150 close personal relationships.
Dunbar said that traditional hunter gatherer tribes, nomadic tribes, and military units generally had less than 150 members. When groups got larger than this, social bonds become weaker and they would split off into factions.
He said that most social groups with strong bonds had even fewer members.
My limit is 100 people.
My first startup started out as a blast. I was the 38th employee. We were a team on a mission. We ate together, drank together, socialized with each other and worked together.
Two years later we’d grown to 500 employees. It was fun getting there, but we were no longer a team.
Looking back, I realized that it stopped being great for me after we’d hit 100 employees.
Years later, I joined another startup to manage a team of 55 people.
It reminded me of my first startup. We were a team on a mission and did most everything together.
We grew quickly. That part was exhilarating.
My taem grew to 100. Then 150. Then 175.
It started to suck right around 100.
When I couldn’t recognize some of the people who reported to me, I knew it was time for me to leave.
I also worked for some huge companies.
At FISERV, I was clearly just a number. I couldn’t wait to leave there. I never felt like part of a team.
At Citrix, it was different. I was fortunate to join small teams that thrived on “being different”. One team was a new startup. Another team covered the West Coast so we worked different hours than everyone else. My teams always did things differently. We hired weirdos and challenged the corporate norms.
These teams all had less than 15 people. We bonded tightly and many of us remain friends years later.
Today my social circle remains small.
I work from home so most of my time is spent with my wife. We see our son a lot.
I have a few good friends who live far away. We see each other occasionally but catch up by phone frequently. The same goes for my mother who lives 1200 miles away.
Other than that, my social connections are weak and loose. They include former coworkers, neighbors and people I run into throughout the day.
It seems that my Dunbar Number is about 15. That’s perfectly fine with me.
On occasion and under pressure, this can go as high as 100. Any higher and I start looking to break off.
It’s been this way for most of my life. When I was in school, I had regular social contact with more people, but my close circle of friends was always a tight knit handful of people.
I suppose this is one reason why I have no interest in cultivating a large following of “pseudo-friends” online. Occasionally I have a meaningful exchange with someone online. That seems sufficient.
As for chasing Twitter followers, making Facebook “friends” or getting Instagram likes – no thanks, I’ll pass.
The other day I told my wife I probably should make an effort to make a few more real friends before I turn into a complete hermit.
My wife said, “It’s too late. You are a hermit and have always been one. But there’s nothing wrong with that.”
No wonder I love her.