On the road, very little went the way I planned.
- After driving hundreds of miles to a campsite, I’d find it closed.
- Despite having a 4WD truck and an off-road camper, I still got stuck in the mud.
- After just a few days of nature and solitude, I missed human companionship
A bigger realization was that everything I did on the road was less convenient than when I lived in a house.
Shopping meant I had to find a store, go when the temperatures were reasonable to leave Snickers in the car and usually race through the aisles because I was worried about Snickers overheating.
Showering meant waiting for a hot sunny day, finding a private place and then doing an awkward mud-making dance while getting “sort of” clean.
It was a relief when I ended my time off grid. I missed the conveniences of city living.
My first night back in “society” I stayed at a crappy little motel off the interstate. It was fabulous. I parked in a paved, level well lit parking lot. I took a long hot shower and shaved using a mirror. Snickers and I both collapsed on a real bed and slept soundly.
I learned that everything takes longer and is less convenient when camping.
Big deal.
Anyone who’s been camping could tell you that. In fact, they told me.
But experiencing it was life changing.
- I no longer take for granted conveniences like running water, unlimited electricity and shelter.
- Throughout the day, I pause and smile when I wash dishes, cook a meal or check the thermostat.
I expect over time I’ll feel less gratitude for these everyday conveniences as I slip back into complacency.
Then again, maybe I won’t.
Something deeper has changed inside me.
In the month since I returned to society I’ve done a lot:
- Bought a house
- Redid the floors
- Furnished and outfitted the house from scratch
- Dealt with the DMV for my driver’s license and registration
- Sold my trailer
- Repaired a faucet, replaced an outlet, installed locks etc.
These all involved paperwork, scheduling, unanticipated costs and delays.
Yet somehow none seemed to be such a big deal. I knew there would be complications. When they came up I even thought to myself, “Of course this was going to happen. This type of inconvenience is part of the process.”
And then I moved forward with the next step. I reinstalled the lock the right way. I went to the DMV a second time. I made a third trip to the hardware store. I closed a day later than scheduled. I rearranged my schedule twice to accommodate changing contractor availability.
Of course these things happened.
None of them were a big deal because I have changed. Ellen’s death and my time off grid changed me.
It’s not that I don’t want things to go smoothly. It’s that I can accept when they don’t. In some ways, expecting things to go off kilter makes it easier when they do – and they will.
Life doesn’t follow my rules.
That’s alright with me.