When I was younger, I used to think that rules, customs and restrictions related to age were total bullshit. This was due to a combination of inexperience, a lack of wisdom, and mostly, not getting what I wanted when I wanted it.
- The legal drinking age of 21 was ridiculous. My friends and I all started drinking in our teens.
- I couldn’t drive until I was 16, even though may uncle taught me to drive when I was 13.
- I could be drafted for the Army at 18, but couldn’t rent a car.
Socially, I thought limitations by age were counterproductive. When I was 17, I asked my hot, assistant school librarian, who was a recent college grad out. She said I was too young for her.
When I entered the work force, I bitterly decried seniority rules, pay increases and privileges as unfair.
Eventually, I bypassed all social norms and married a woman 19 years older me, while completely disregarding our age difference.
Now that I’m 54, I see things a bit differently. I realize that one of the reasons I was able to disregard rules and customs about age was because I was young. I had energy, enthusiasm and the ability to recover from mistakes, inadequate preparation and rash decisions.
I started to recognize age appropriate limitations when I was about 40.
- I got injured more often when I was working out. Every few weeks, I’d tweak my lower back, my neck or my shoulder doing something I’d done “a thousand times before without ever getting injured“.
- I be wiped out from business travel and need a few days to recover.
- Dealing with Daylight Savings Time changes (or jetlag) knocked me off kilter for a week.
- I could no longer outwork my coworkers, who were all 10-20 years younger than me.
It was nothing sudden or traumatic. These changes came gradually as I got older.
Now that I’m in my mid 50s, I’m leaning into being more age appropriate.
Physical Activity – although I am extremely fit, I continue to adjust my activity to accommodate my aging. I warmup much more. I do a lot of mobility and flexibility work. I am mindful of my intensity and back off frequently to minimize injury.
Social Activity – I don’t have the energy or interest to expend on frequent dating, parties and social activities. In my teens and 20s, I wanted to go out every Friday night, Saturday night and often during the week, if I could. We’d party until late in the evening. I loved hanging out with friends, trying to meet women, going out to eat, going to movies, visiting haunted house, going on vacation, etc. Today, I prefer to spend my evenings winding down with a book, my dogs, a walk and a home cooked meal.
Love – I adored and loved my wife (and I was in loved with a few girlfriends before her). Today, I get a feeling of dread whenever I entertain a “falling in love again” fantasy. Within a few minutes of daydreaming, I think about everything I would have to give up – from free time, to my idiosyncratic lifestyle, to closet space. Ugh. I’d rather be alone.
Recently, after a particularly trying day when kids were biking back and forth in front of house tormenting my dog, I even thought that maybe I should look into moving to a 55 and over community. I never considered that before. I always said I wanted to live in a neighborhood that young people, middle aged people and old people because that keeps us alive and thriving. But man, I cannot stand most kids anymore. And much of my life is centered around doing what retired people do. I do hobbies. I am quiet and reflective. I live alone. I spend my time with other adults (often senior citizens). I even checked a few out online and quickly realized there’s no way I’m paying $500K-700K plus monthly HOAs of $500+ to move into some McMansion 55 plus community.
I’m not dead yet.
I’m not planning a life of sloth, Facebook and watching Fox News on TV.
I still ignore most “rules” about being age appropriate. As an early retiree and a widower who married a much older woman, I’m out of sync with everyone my age. I made my choices intentionally and have few regrets.
But, recognizing that I’m no longer 35, even though I feel that way in my head, is a good thing. It helps me to focus my life in areas that make sense.
Sometimes, age appropriate is appropriate – even for me.