Since Ellen died in 8 months ago, it’s been just me and Snickers.
My days have been jam packed. Downsizing and the road trip came first. Moving into my new house and fixing it up was next. Then furnishing it, refinishing my cabinets and painting came next.
After the move-in work ended, I filled my days with working out, swimming, playing the drums, writing, hanging out with Snickers, doing chores and reading. In a few weeks, I start a weekly painting class. If that goes well, I will add painting to the mix.
I have a couple of friends and my mom who I talk to by phone everyday. Other than that, I speak to people I run into at the pool, on the street and in the store.
I am alone almost all the time.
But I am not lonely.
I miss Ellen everyday. Most of the time when I think about her, I am sad. Sometimes I think, “She would have liked this” or “She’d have hated this.”
I don’t always get hit with waves of grief when I think of her now.
We had a great life together. Sometimes I am happy thinking of that. I am grateful for the life we had and the memories I have.
Today this is enough.
I used to fear growing old alone. I no longer do. Being alone is ok.