I had grand plans for improving my social life once I got settled in Raleigh.
- I would make friends with the neighbors by inviting them over for dinner and hanging out with them.
- I joined three meetups: “outdoor enthusiasts over 50”, “young widows and widowers” and “ultimate frisbee players” and would attend their events.
- I would reach out to former colleagues in the area to build friendships.
It all sounded good but none of it happened.
I am who I am. I won’t force myself to do something awkward and unnatural to make friends.
All of my life, I’ve made friends after having some kind of regular contact with someone and discovering we liked being around each other. I made friends with neighbors, classmates, colleagues and friends of friends.
Not once, have I made a friend by purposely seeking someone out.
So I’m not about to start doing this now.
Fortunately, a couple across the street from me has been extremely welcoming. They are also cool and interesting. I think we are becoming friends.
I really did think I’d try meetups. “Everyone” recommends them. But anytime I scan upcoming events, I think I’d rather do my own thing – swimming, home improvement projects, hanging out with my dog, reading etc. Plus the thought of hanging out with a bunch of strangers is totally unappealing to me.
My former colleagues are good people. We had work in common and became “work friends”. But when I changed jobs, we stopped talking to each other and that was OK for both of us. Now it feels like a chore to attempt to reconnect. I’ve met with two former colleagues so far. We caught up on each other’s lives and shared a meal, but none of us seem interested in pursuing (investing time in?) a deeper friendship.
What’s been remarkable is that despite my lack of social contact, I don’t feel depressed, lonely or isolated. My life is full of challenging activities. I am progressing in hand balancing. I’m learning how to do home improvement projects I’d have never tackled before, I swim everyday and I stroll around the neighborhood with Snickers.
I talk to people every day at the store, the pool or the park. We’re not having meaningful conversations, but I’m not sitting at home alone feeling sorry for myself.
After spending 29 years with Ellen everyday, of course I miss her. She was my wife and my best friend. Before I met Ellen, I was in school and/or working and always had plenty of friends.
Today, I’m in a new town once again where I don’t have any close friends. It’s not bad, just different.
If I return to work, take a class, join a group or volunteer somewhere, perhaps I’ll make a friend. I’m open to it, but if it doesn’t happen, I’m OK with that too.