I am planning to sell my house. I thought it was too big when it was me, my wife and the pets. Now that my wife is gone, it is much too big. The 2nd bedroom is empty all the time. The 3rd bedroom, my former office, is vacant except when one of the cats…
Author: Steve Ainslie
Cleaning My Home
For the first time in many years, I cleaned my entire house. I had to do it myself because I fired our cleaning lady last week. To my suprise, I had an epiphany while cleaning. While dusting, I noticed the beauty and craftsmanship of my inherited furniture. One chair has intricate raptor-like claw feet. The…
Why Does Widower = “Looking For A Date?”
I was looking for something – anything – that would help me deal with the loss of my wife. So I googled widower, widower at 50, widower blog and other similar phrases. I was surprised that the first 30 results were all focused on dating: Dating Tips for Widowers Sex and the Grieving Widower Widow and…
Half A Life
It’s hard to believe it’s been six weeks since my wife died. It feels like she died yesterday. SInce she’s been gone I’ve made some significant changes to my routine. I talk to my mom almost everyday by phone. She’s really come through for me listening to my ranting, raving and crying. I talk to…
How Low Can I Go?
When my wife was alive, she would have said we lived quite frugally. I thought we did OK, but saw many areas where we could spend less money. I had no problem sharing my brilliant cost cutting ideas with her. She, in turn, had no problem saying, “Don’t talk to to me about that. Quit…
Going Without Health Insurance
Author’s note: If you are like most Americans, you probably want to have health insurance. You might like having it. You might even need it. Don’t let my ranting change your mind. I am not advising anyone to do what I am doing. I haven’t had “real” health insurance for over a year. In 2018, I…
Firing the Cleaning Lady
Now that I am living alone, I am on a mission to cut expenses. I’ve already sold my wife’s car and shopped for cheaper car insurance. Next up is the cleaning lady. I never had a cleaning lady until Ellen and I were married. Maids were for rich people. My wife’s family had a maid…
The Death List
After my wife decided to stop all treatments for her cancer and begin hospice, I began to plan for death. I had been worried about her dying since she was first diagnosed in March 2018, but since then I tried to stay focused on helping her live day by day. But now, I had to…
What I Loved About My Stepfather
I was thinking about my wife’s response to the man who thought he caused our daughter’s death. She told him, “All that’s left is love.“ This made me think about my stepfather. I’ve written several times about how terrible it was to live with him. But I never wrote about any of the good things….
All That’s Left Is Love
A few months before Ellen died, our son posted something on social media about her having lung cancer. This prompted an old friend of our daughter Liz (who died from an overdose in 2006) to reach out to Ellen via email. In his message, he begged Ellen’s forgiveness for what he felt was his role…