When I was a guest on the Solo podcast and talking about how I met my wife, the host asked if I believed in love at first sight. I wasn’t expecting that question and burned out “yes”. ” because I was thinking about how gaga I was for Ellen from the moment I met her.
But I don’t believe in love at first sight – even with her.
I believe in “lust” at first sight. Undoubtedly, I’ve felt this for several women I dated (and many others I didn’t date). But that heart pounding attraction isn’t what I consider love. It’s great. It’s just not love.
Love for me is not a feeling, it’s the result of many actions. Each action builds upon the last, like building a brick wall.
My wife and I fell in love because we cared for each other and demonstrated this with our action. I vacuumed her house when she was at work. She bought me olives. I helped with the kids. She listened to rants about work. I made her coffee. We enjoyed each other’s company. We talked, we held hands, she scratched my head and I rubbed her feet.
That’s how love is built.
It’s not magic and it’s not a fairy tale.
Last night I had a dream that someone was asking me about Snickers and I was explaining about putting her down because of her dementia. I was choking up and crying in the dream as I explained how much I loved Snickers and how much I missed her.
It was heart-wrenching. I woke up with tears streaming down my face. It got me thinking about my love for Snickers.
When we adopted her, I thought she was kind of cute, but at the same time, quite strange looking. I called her Stimpy (after Wren and Stimpy) for a while until I got accustomed to her looks.
She was also a challenge because she had fear issues. She ran away the first day I brought her home by squeezing under the fence. The next morning, she took off between my legs when I opened the front door to get the newspaper. I had to be on high alert 100% of the time because I was terrified she’d dart off and get hit by a car.
But, over time, after thousands of walks, hundreds of evenings playing together, months of sleeping in the same bed and umpteen hours of sunbathing in the yard while my wife gardened, Snickers came to love and trust us.
And we loved her.
Brick by brick.
I miss my wife. I miss Snickers.
I miss the love.