It’s been raining a lot here lately.
Every time I am out in the rain walking the dog, I think, “I need to get a good raincoat”.
But I have a decent raincoat. I’d say it is even a good one from Outdoor Research. It’s a thin, waterproof shell that is made to go over a shirt or a jacket if it is cold outside. But it makes crinkly sounds and I hate the hood.
I think back to my tan Columbia raincoat I “inherited” in 2004. Or the green Columbia windbreaker that was stayed waterproof through everything except torrential sustained downpours.
I remember that cozy feeling of putting on either of these Columbia jackets. I think of cold Pittsburgh nights, drinking gin or wine by the fireplace, eating a delicious Italian meal with my wife.
I don’t want to buy a raincoat. I want to relive that feeling.
Thanks to a good friend, I am now wearing properly fitted clothing. This means that instead of swimming in size large shirts and pants, I now wear tight fitting size mediums (and maybe size smalls soon.) I also learned how to properly layer with lightweight technical clothing. I wear thin nylon/polyester shirts, mid layers of fleece or a vest and an out layer of a warmer fleece jacket. Although warm, my clothing is extremely light weight and thin.
It is far different than the past, when I would bundle up in large T shirts, covered with a second long sleeve cotton T shirt, followed by a thick sweatshirt and then cram all this bulk into a heavy jacket. Often I could barely bend my arms and I looked like the Michelin man.
Sometimes when it is cold out, I think … “I need to buy a heavy coat, or a big fluffy sweatshirt or a pillowy fleece pullover.”
But I don’t. I have more than enough clothing to get me through the entire 4 seasons.
What I want to purchase is the feeling I used to feel when it first got cold in winter and I’d pull on a soft, cozy sweatshirt and huddle under the blankets on the sofa with Ellen as we watched a movie on TV.
I haven’t eaten a piece of bread in a year. I haven’t eaten at a restaurant in 18 months. I haven’t had pizza since Ellen died in 2018.
I haven’t eaten a jar of peanut butter, a gallon of ice cream, pants, almonds or a chocolate bar in over a month.
Surprisingly, I rarely crave any of this food. Sometimes it tasted delicious. Other times it was mediocre. Many times, I overate and paid for it that night and the next day.
But I miss the feeling of carb and sugar overload. I miss eating dinner with my wife and then snacking until I would lay my head in her lap and she’d scratch my head why I tried not to pass out.
I wish I could buy that instead of a chocolate bar and a jar of peanuts.
Lately it seems that most times I think I need to buy something, I don’t.
I do some research – looking at reviews and comparing features. I carefully consider the pros and cons of what I am going to purchase. And then by the time I decide to pull the trigger, I realize that I don’t need it.
Often, I don’t even want it.
I just want the feeling.
And then that passes too as I realize I have everything I need.