It is time for me to stop watching cat videos on Reddit. I like watching the videos. Cats are interesting. Kittens are wonderful. Watching them prance, jump and play is heartwarming.
But it’s torturing me. I haven’t had cats since I rehomed Lilly and Buster 4 years ago before I went on the road. Anytime I think of this, I have regrets. I wish I hadn’t given them up – even though I am certain it was the right decision (at the time).
I don’t watch horror movies or torture shows because they fill my head with horrible thoughts that stick in my subconscious and become fodder for my nightmares.
Last night, I had yet another nightmare about losing my cats. Ellen was alive and we were searching through abandoned buildings that drug dealers had taken over where I thought I spotted Buster (who I rehomed in 2019) and Lolita (who died in 2014). Ellen and I had to dodge violent gangbangers while scrambling through garbage filled buildings searching desperately for our beloved cats that were now on their own.
When I woke up, it took me a few minutes to regain my composure and realize that Buster was gone, Lolita was dead and so was Ellen. I had no one to rescue.
Except myself.
Because I realize that the cute cat videos are filling my head with thoughts of my cats. And it is time for me to let these thought naturally fade away in gentle, occasional memories that will occupy good dreams instead of nightmares.
I’m not sure what I’ll do for a few minutes of mindless entertainment before bed now, but I know it won’t be browsing reddit.