Clutter makes me feel antsy. It makes it difficult for me to accomplish things efficiently. It overwhelms my mind.
I used to think that clutter was about stuff. But even before I embraced minimalism, I detested clutter.
As a child:
- I kept my bedroom neat
- I folded my clothes.
- I organized homework, my locker and my desk.
As a teen:
- Everything I owned had its proper place.
- I had a compact file system for important documents.
- I managed my own finances, college applications, financial aid etc.
As a young adult, I continued this practice of clutter free to an extent, doing my best to organize my:
- Home
- Yard
- Car
- Life
But I got off track in my 20s.
Some of it was due to my wife and her kids. My wife was a pack rat. She had closets jammed with clothes she never wore (and could’t find). She was always losing her car keys. She had a basement full of photos that nobody wanted. She collected heirlooms from her father, mother, and aunts. She loved having stuff. And I loved her exactly the way she was. So I never tried to force her to be as clutter free as me.
The other reason I got off track was because I bought into consumerism, the trap of wanting more and keeping up with the Joneses. I had winter and summer wardrobes. I became hyper focused on work and making money. I wanted a bigger rental house. Then I wanted to buy a house. I wanted a car. Then a new car. Then 2 new cars. I bought thousands of books because I couldn’t be bothered going to the library.
By the time I was 30, we had a 3 bedroom house packed with stuff.
I was overwhelmed.
Instead of dealing with it, I worked more trying to keep my head above water as we sank deeper into debt.
I’ve written about how I got out of debt and out from under all our stuff so I won’t rehash it here.
Now that I’m on my own, I have designed my entire life to be clutter free. Everything in my life is simple. I have what I need and nothing more. It is all well organized. I make a point to review things periodically and declutter more by getting rid of stuff, processes and actions that no longer serve me. I do this with:
- Finances
- Entertainment
- Thoughts
- Daily Activities
- Social Life
- Wardrobe
When I began using dating apps this year, it’s no wonder I had a hard time. I was looking at hundreds of profiles each week and swiping right on dozens of women.
Some weeks, I had dates with 3 different women.
And all I wanted was to date one person at a time and build a relationship.
One. Person. At. A. Time.
That’s how I had always dated.
I tried to force myself to adopt this “new way” of causal dating because let’s face it – I hadn’t dated in 30 years. Things change.
It didn’t work for me.
The closest I came to what I wanted was with The Music Fan. I really liked her. She was hot, fun and sweet. I was (and am) super attracted to her. She knew how to date.
But she made it crystal clear she was not interested in dating just me. She had no interest in committing to one man.
After a few weeks and some fun dates, I broke it off.
I could’t accept being just one of many men she was dating.
I wish I could.
I miss her and think about “what might have been”.
But then my mind clears and I realize that just like me, TMF cannot force herself to be someone she is not either – no matter how much she liked me.
I hope someday I meet someone I liked as much as her and we fit better together.