The host of the Solo Podcast, Peter McGraw, often says that Solo individuals (singles) needs to build a community of friends and supporters around them. He says it is vitally important to have at someone you can call when you wake up in the middle of the night afraid, in pain or sad. Moreso, he says it is better to have multiple people you can call. He recommends building a community around yourself of people who can help. Married people have a built in emergency contact. Solos need to develop others.
That sounds good, in theory.
In the nearly 5 years since my wife has died, I still don’t have an emergency contact. I have a couple of old friends from my hometown who I can call when the chips are down – but they are hundreds of miles away and usually not in a position to help. I am friendly with a few neighbors. If I needed a ride to the doctor or to borrow a tool, I’m sure they would help me as I would for them.
Fortunately, I rarely wake in the middle of the night afraid, in pain or sad. I’m almost never afraid anymore. I do experience various injuries, aches and pains, but nothing that I’d expect a neighbor to help me with.
As for waking in the middle of night with sadness, that is a real thing for me sometimes.
When I was married, my wife would comfort me. If I was thrashing about in a nightmare she’d hold me and soothe me. If I woke with my heart racing, I could reach over and snuggle up against her warm body in the night. But she’s been dead for nearly 5 years.
And now, when I wake up sad in the middle of the night, it’s because I was dreaming about her. Then I wake up to the realization that she is gone.
But I do find comfort. I reach out and touch my dogs. If I’m particularly sad, I’ll pull one of them into the crook of body and hold her tight. Or I’ll pet her tummy and give her a back massage until I can either fall back asleep or get myself up out of bed to the start the day.
It’s not as good as having my wife. Or better yet, having my wife, my dogs and my cats, like I used to have.
But my dogs provide me comfort in the night. And for that, I’m grateful.