Lately, death has consumed my every waking moment.
My days are filled with my wife’s doctor visits, tests and treatments. I’m either driving her there, waiting for the appointment or fighting to schedule the next one.
If we’re not at the hospital, then I’m home trying to take care of my wife’s needs, do all the chores, research my wife’s latest symptom/treatment/result, take care of the pets, exercise and sleep.
I’m watching my wife fade slowly away as her cancer progresses.
I think about the innumerable procedures and wonder if it is helping. It’s seems mostly that it’s been a collosal waste of time.
I’m frustrated from dealing with the hassles of ever changing tests, appointments and procedures.
We spend between 20-40 hours a week at the hospital and it’s only getting worse.
I am starting to hate this place.
I miss having a partner in life to talk to, to walk with and to share the load.
It just sucks.
My good friends tell me I will grow from this experience. They say I am helping my wife and will use what I learn to help others later.
Mostly I feel sad, angry and exhausted.