Although I write about fitness and exercise fairly regularly, I suspect that very few people who know me realize how important it is to me. Those who know me well know that I workout regularly. They occasionally comment on my early morning workouts referring to my dedication, willpower, fitness compared to my peers, etc.
It’s more than that to me. It’s an integral part of who I am and what I am. Except for a few brief hiatuses when I was injured or sick, I’ve been working out consistently since I was 17. That’s been over 40 years.
When people first hear about my early morning workout daily regimen they often say, “I could never do that.”
My response is always the same, “It helps me stay sane.”
The fact is, I don’t think I could not do this. I cannot envision myself enjoying a sedentary life without regular, vigorous physical activity. I need it for my mind and my body. It provides structure to my days. It gives me an opportunity to start out every day with a win. It wakes me up. It challenges me. It gives me something to look forward to. It’s an outlet for planning, learning and exploration. It makes me a better person.
Even when I overdo it.
I was thinking this morning that the only thing more important to me was my wife.
She was my #1 priority. Fitness & exercise was a close #2. Everything else – pets, money, work, school, family, friendship, career… came after.
It took me a long time to come to terms with losing my wife. When I was no longer her husband, I lost my identity, my reason for being and my will to live. Exercise helped keep me from jumping off the edge. It was one of the few parts of my core existence that gave me something to hang onto.
I’m still hanging on – even if it’s only with my one good shoulder today.
Right now, I’m quite pissed at myself. I have an appointment to see an orthopedic specialist tomorrow to assess my shoulder injury. It’s making me crazy.
Then I tweaked my lower back a few days ago as I began my new workout routine using a weight far below what I thought I could handle easily. I can’t f***ing believe it. What I had anticipated would be a distraction, a challenge and a fresh start got waylaid in the first week.
So I’m limping around with a sore lower back that aches whenever I sit, squat or get up to go along with my semi-effective left shoulder that aches constantly.
What’s most annoying is that I did both to myself. Not on purpose of course, but nonetheless…f**k me.
I though I knew better.
I know my back will heal. I’ve dealt with this before. Then I’ll begin again with an even lower weight to ease my way back into a vigorous routine.
I’m fairly optimistic my shoulder will heal – hopefully without requiring surgery or extensive time off. I have no problem doing PT and rehab. In fact, I started down this path already on my own.
As for my mind — well I ordered an exercise bike so I can do cardio workouts at home without using my shoulder. I added a hill hike to my daily schedule for the time being to substitute for swimming.
Since I’m seeing the ortho tomorrow, I’ll wait for his diagnosis before going further down an internet “research” rathole. While there is plenty of good information out there, there is a plethora of bullshit too. I’ve had my fill of both.
This morning, as my shoulder throbbed I thought, “I am sick of being injured. It feels like this has been going on forever! I’m always injured!”*
There’s no need for you to pull out the tiny violin for me – I’m already playing it for myself.**
*This is not true. I do have minor injuries & tweaks frequently because I push myself pretty hard. But n general I’m thriving. I’ve gotten better at not over doing it, but clearly have more to learn.
**Follow up after seeing the Orthopedic PA: X-rays showed a healthy shoulder. Movement tests indicated a possible biceps tendon injury or partial tear. There is no indication it’s a rotor cuff tear. (yay!)
I received a steroid shot in the affected area and was advised to go easy and do RICE. The PA said that swimming, as well as all my other exercises, would be fine as long as I can tolerate the pain. Wow. I did not expect that. Other than not having any injury at all, that’s the best possible news I could have received.