When I began dating women I met on dating apps, my friend, the Dating Veteran, told me that he often would mix up details and stories from the women he met online. He would forget names, family members, dating histories and so on.
I had no concerns this would happen to me.
- First, I planned on only dating a few women because I was certain I’d meet someone quickly who I would then focus on in a committed relationship (wrong).
- Second, I have a great memory. I remember every woman I ever dated, all the way back to high school. I remember crushes I had back to middle school. I remember pooping my diaper at the top of the stairs when I was ~ 2 years old. I remember kicking the wall after I “locked in” with bed rails when my mother forced me total a “nap” in the middle of the afternoon when I was 2 1/2 yard old.
- And lastly, I’m a great listener. Unlike the veteran, who frequently is so wrapped up in his head that he doesn’t pay attention, I listen raptly and attentively.
Well, once again was wrong.
Some weeks I had first dates with 3 different women. When this happened, some of the details blurred together. I’d remember key facts about their careers, their marriages and their values but I’d other details like info about their siblings, their childhoods and their history.
Since most of these were “one and done” dates, it wasn’t much of a problem. For the woman I dated a few times, I remembered much more.
I expected these memories to be burned into my mind just like the memories of the women from my past.
Now, just a few weeks later, I’m surprised how quickly most of these details have faded away. I often cannot even remember the names of my dates, much less more than a few quick details about their careers and some dramatic life highlights.
It all is fading away.
Even memories of the women who I went out with several times and who made major impressions on me like My Good Looking Neighbor and The Music Fan are fading away.
I didn’t think that would happen.
I think the difference between girls I dated in my teens and these women is that back then, I only dated women I had already known. By the time we went on a first date, we had talked to each other, we were mutually attracted, we may have danced or made out, we knew each other from school/work/social activities, etc.
With my recent dates, every date was the first time we met. When we broke it off after 1-3 dates, I immediately stopped investing any mental energy in thinking about them because I knew it was over before we ever got to know each other.
I did keep a list of the women I dated and their first names, as part of my aborted 100 dates project. Without it, I couldn’t even name all 13 of the women.