On a podcast, Dan John was asked how his religion faith influenced his work, coaching and life. As part of his answer, he spoke about forgiveness. He told the following story about a conversation he had with Pat Flynn.
Pat says that when someone has harmed you, it feels bad – like you have a rock in your shoe. As long as you walk around carrying this rock, it hurts you. The longer you walk around without getting rid of the rock, the longer it hurts you. Pat says it’s better not to hang on to these resentments because they will only keep hurting you.
He ended with: Don’t turn your rocks into trophies.
As a catholic growing up, I was indoctrinated with platitudes, prayers and biblical stories about the importance of forgiveness. None of it made any sense to me.
In fact, until I got sober at age 38, I considered my grudges badges of honor that were part of my identity. If you had screwed me over I would never forget it. You might as well be dead to me.
And then, AA finally taught me how to get rid of those rocks I’d been carrying my entire life. It wasn’t easy for me to reach that point and be willing to take the actions that taught me how to forgive.
The longer I practice this, the easier it gets for me. The occasional rocks in my shoe become too uncomfortable to carry around for long. I have to do something about it.
There are a few people and institutions that I hold responsible for causing me (or my loved ones) harms that can never be righted. I, like Pat Flynn and Dan John, choose not to relive these for the rest of my life.
