My hernia surgery is now just a few days away.
For the past month, I’ve been anticipating the surgery with dread. Actually, not the surgery itself, because I’ll be unconscious and won’t remember a thing.
I’m dreading the recovering process.
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- Not being able to work out for at least a month
- Being swollen, having pain and slowly rebuilding my physical condition
- Losing my mind “taking it easy”
It’s pretty much all I could think about ever since I made the decision to have this 2nd hernia surgery in just 1.5 years.
The worst part for me is waiting. I wish I could have the surgery right now. Or even better, last week. The sooner I get cut open, the sooner I will begin healing.
But I can’t control the surgeon’s schedule. And so I’ve been waiting for nearly a month.
And like all things, that day is almost here.
I am not a patient man. I like to take action and go.
Without being able to take action, my mind goes into obsessive overdrive. I have rehearsed, planned and plotted my recovery for hours every single day.
I think:
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- I won’t be able to do this exercise for 4 weeks
- No more long walks for at least 2 weeks
- I’ll get fat
- I won’t sleep well
- I’ll lose the fantastic condition I’m in
- Can’t go swimming for weeks
- I’ll be losing my mind
And on and on and on.
And so I am writing about it to clear my mind. I’ve even coined a new word for it – Dreadticipation.
This isn’t the first time I’ve felt this way and it won’t be the last.