My wife still visits sometimes in my dreams. Often in these dreams we aren’t doing anything special. We’re eating dinner, watching a movie or walking the dog. We’re talking about nothing in particular. Sometimes we’re arguing mildly about something inconsequential like the way I did laundry.
In the most recent dream I remember she told me she wanted me to grow my hair out longer because she liked it better that way vs. shaved and I was whining that shaved was so much more convenient.
I’ve had nightmares in my dreams where I realize that she is dead, yet somehow in the dream nobody knows this except me. Those are so sad that I often wake up with tears running down my face. It’s been a while since I had one of those.
My dreams are populated by other people and pets I’ve loved who have long been dead. Just like with Ellen, most of the time, we’re interacting the way we always did – walking, playing, hanging out, shooting the shit. They never age in the dreams. They are the same as they were when I knew them, whether it was 4 years or 45 years ago.
With the exception of the occasional nightmare, these dreams are a gift. When I wake up and realize it was a dream, I take a minute to lay there peacefully and soak in the memory of my loved one.
I don’t believe in God or the afterlife. As much as I’d like to believe that my wife, pets and relatives are purposely “visiting” and reaching out to me, I don’t.
Someday, I’ll dead too and will join the ones I loved in the ashes of the earth. Until then, a piece of them lives on inside my head.