Ever since I was a teenager I wanted to be married. I longed to have a beautiful wife, a stable family, a nice house, a dog and 2-3 kids.
As a teen I wasn’t ready for marriage, but I desperately wanted a girlfriend. Driven by hormones, lust, a desire for companionship, youth, mass marketing, and media I was looking that “special someone”.
And I found my true love – a few times. I had several long term girlfriends in high school and college. Then I met my wife and was with her for 29 years.
I was lucky.
I’ve now been a widower and single for almost 4 years. Other than my 5 month dating “experiment” earlier this year, I’ve have loved almost every minute of being unpaired.
Given that most of my adult life I had a romantic partner, I am surprised how much I like being single. Now when I see married couples (especially with kids) or my friends regale me with tales of their romantic problems, I think “I’m glad it’s them and not me.“
My 83 year old girlfriend asked me the other day how my dating was going. I told her I had stopped dating because I wasn’t enjoying it. She then told me she’d like to set me up, but she didn’t know any age appropriate women. I thanked her for offering and explained that I wasn’t interested in dating anyone – that I’m quite content with my life the way it is.
She replied, “But you’re young and you deserve to to be happy”.
I smiled and said I am happy.
She did not agree. She said I needed someone to have fun with and go dancing or whatever. She asked if I was religious and suggested I ask another neighbor to set me up with someone from her church.
I told her I’m not religious and appreciated her thoughtfulness but wasn’t looking for anyone.
I understand why she thinks I “need” someone to complete my life.
She was happily married for 50+ years and only lost her husband a few years ago. She’s a fairly conventional extrovert who socialized with her husband her entire life.
She buys the “happily ever after” fairy tale.
I don’t.
But I appreciate that she’s thinking of me and wants the best for me.
I imagine I might one day change my mind. Maybe I’ll meet that special someone. Maybe I’ll be driven by lust or loneliness or something else.
But that day is not today.