Now that I’ve had several days of using the online dating apps Hinge and Bumble, I can report on my experience.
Let’s start with a given, that both apps present me with many women whom I would never consider dating. There are filters that enable some vetting of characteristics and preferences but for the most part, it seems that I am presented with all women in my specified age range and location range.
What’s heartbreaking is that on a regular basis, MGLN’s profile pops up as a recommended match. I already know she’s the match I want.
Moving on, I’ve been pleasantly surprised to find some potential matches (on paper). These tend to be women who are scientists, executives and engineers plus the occasional free-spirit artistic freelancer.
I have not known many women in scientific, executive and technical positions. Most of the companies I worked for skewed highly male.
Since I had never tried to meet a woman in Raleigh before, I never really considered that the colleges, the health science businesses and the tech companies might have more woman working in them.
So that’s good.
As for the free spirit artistic types, they seem to live in two places: Durham – the grittier, more artsy city (I’ve read -never been there) and downtown Raleigh. One thing is for sure, they aren’t living in suburbia where I am.
As for actual connecting with anyone online, it hasn’t happened yet. I’m not caught up in who has viewed or liked my profile or whose profile I viewed or liked. There’s no point in paying attention to that data unless it moves to a conversation. I’ve rejected a few overtures. I’m sure some of mine have been rejected (or not seen yet?).
I’ve gotten advice from my sister and a friend who have had years of online dating experience resulting in dozens of dates, several relationships and 2 marriages. I listen, but often think, “I’m not going to do that!“
That said, I’ve taken their advice for photos, for “swiping quickly”, and for not getting attached to anything about the process. I also “upgraded” to the paid Bumble version which my friend assures me will result in better candidates.
Paying for dates. Yuck. I find the idea appalling.
So no dates yet. But I’m not discouraged. My life is as good as it’s ever been, except for the part I recently realized has been missing.
The truth is, I’d rather be with MGLN than anyone else.
So despite my initial enthusiasm for plowing forward, I’m quite ambivalent about dating anyone other than MGLN.
I began this online dating experiment based on my New Year’s Eve “friendship discussion” with MGLN. But my heart is not in it. I have a strong feeling that I’m going to end my online dating search today or tomorrow.
I want a long term committed relationship with her, not someone else. If I’m being a romantic fool pining for someone who doesn’t want me, so be it. If that’s the case, it will eventually get through even my thick head.
There’s no rush. I have the rest of my life.
Update 1/5/22 (one day later):
I deleted my Hinge Account and paused my Bumble account. Since I just paid for a three month “upgrade” to Bumble 2 days ago, I didn’t delete my Bumble account yet. But that is solely due to my innate frugal nature. I deleted the app from my phone and iPad already and will not be reinstalling it. I hate the idea that I wasted that money. So I’ll let the account sit inactive for a week and then will suck it up and delete it. The money’s been spent but this is how I rationalize and accept wasting it. It’s not a lot of money. It’s just the wasting of it that bother me.
What I’ve learned from my 1 week experiment with online dating is that I don’t want a relationship with anyone else – only MGLN.
There’s no reason to “explore” dating options with anyone else.
Unless she gives me a hard, definitive “no, never” and pushes me away, I’m not going anywhere or dating anyone else.
Update 1/7/22 (two days later):
I tried to log in today to delete my Bumble account. Apparently I already did this when I “snoozed” my profile indefinitely and cancelled my Bumble subscription auto-renewal. So there you have it – experiment over. I feel like it was a complete success in terms of helping me work through my thoughts and feelings about MGLN, dating and where I am today.
And obviously, I have absolutely no intention of looking for dates via friends, random face-to-face contacts, etc.
I know who I am, who I want and what’s important to me. My feelings and emotions took a few days to work through, but that’s how it goes for me.
It was well worth the investment of time and money.