My sister has never liked me. She is 1.5 years older than me. I suspect she hated my guts since the day I was born. Nonetheless, as young kids, by default, we spent a lot of time together. We lived in the same house, sometimes split a bedroom, shared the same chaotic upgrading, went to the same schools and often played with the same neighborhood kids.
Despite that, our personalities are so different you’d think we weren’t related.
Since we were teenagers, we spent as little time around each other as possible. I still tried, until I was in my mid 20s to be a “good brother” by doing things I thought a good brother should do. I helped her move a bunch of times. I tried to coordinate holiday events and gifts for our mom. I was pleasant when our families got together occasionally.
Eventually I gave up.
For the last 30 years, we’ve rarely spoken or seen each other. After my wife died, we communicated a little bit more. She texts me a few times a year with pictures of her kid. I send her texts on holidays and her birthday. Occasionally we exchange a text about our mother.
Sometimes I feel bad that we’re estranged. No doubt, it’s at least partially my fault.
But I only feel bad because a small part of me longs for something we never had – a loving relationship (like on The Brady Bunch, Happy Days, or Little House On The Prairie). But life is not a TV show.
Nor is my life like those of some people I know who are close to their adult siblings. They have something I will never have.
Estrangement is not always a bad thing nor is it always something to overcome. Sometimes people are not meant to have a relationship – regardless of blood ties or societal expectations.
I made the family I wanted with my wife. Her kids were part of it – sometimes very much so and other times, not so much. Our pets were part of it.
Me, her and the pets. My family.
I deliberately and intentionally chose that family. And it was pretty good.
Today, my family is me and my dogs. It’s not what I imagined I would have when I was younger, but it’s pretty good too.