When I was younger, I was certain that I was destined to do great things.
I thought I would cure cancer, become a famous neurosurgeon or at the very least, get my PhD and be an esteemed college professor. I’d have the perfect family with 2 kids, a golden retriever, a Mercedes and a mansion. I’d be wealthy, powerful, and well known for my accomplishments.
Well, none of those things happened.
That’s OK.
Reality has been pretty good.
(Except perhaps, for the wealthy part. I still wouldn’t mind this.)
Wealth vs Reality
When I think of some of the best times in my life, I usually had very little money.
- Everytime I fell in love I was flat broke.
- Hiking through the woods, the park and the neighborhood never cost a dime.
- Swimming at the community pool or hanging out with friends was free.
- Feeding the ducks at North Park Lake cost $2 ($1 for gas and $1 for old bread).
- Weekend visits to State Parks were free or just a few bucks for parking.
- Tennis on the city courts was free.
- Running, swimming, biking and weight lifting cost next to nothing.
Even today, it costs very little money to do the things I enjoy like: walking, spending time with my wife, exercising, reading, writing and playing with my pets.
Health, nature, friendship, love and occasional challenges seem to be the key ingredients here.
Mercedes vs Reality
I bought my first car for $1000 when I was in my mid-twenties. Before then I walked, biked and took the bus everywhere. It wasn’t so bad being carless. I just spent most of my time local.
I didn’t realize that I’d also be spending $150/ month on insurance, $50 on gas and thousands every year on repairs. When I “upgraded” to my first new car, I added a $350 monthly car payment to transportation costs.
I bought 4 new cars before realizing that not only didn’t I want a Mercedes, I never wanted a car payment again! None of my fancy new cars were more special than my first beater.
Today, we own two old cars. A few times a year we use them simultaneously, but every time I pay for a repair or for our insurance, I think about about selling one of them.
College vs Reality
Grade school and high school gave me identity, purpose and direction. I expected college would be a continuation of this. Instead, I entered college completely unprepared to succeed socially, economically or emotionally. Despite this, I was successful academically.
But by the end of my sophomore year I was disillusioned, directionless and unable to afford to continue.
I dropped out, enrolled in Community College and bounced around for a few years until my sales career took off.
I never did graduate. For a decade I regretted this and was ashamed.
After a while I realized that although a college degree would have given me better job opportunities, my career worked out fine.
I enjoy learning and still strive to learn new things every day – just not in a classroom.
Perfect Family vs Reality
I married my one true love and helped raise 2 great kids. It’s been an adventure but nothing like I anticipated.
I married an older woman who was outside of my social circle, my religion and my neighborhood.
No wonder things turned out differently than what I’d expected.
I never got the Golden Retriever either- but there’s still a chance for that someday.
Power and Fame vs Reality
I’ve been responsible for managing hundreds of people and driving millions of dollars in revenues. Sometimes it was rewarding, sometimes it was stessful and often it was challenging.
I quickly realized that “power” over others wasn’t something I desired. What I really want is autonomy and control over my day. This, along with the freedom of not being dependent on a paycheck for survival is more appealing for me than being in charge.
As for fame – forget it. I have zero interest in being famous.
As far as accomplishments, I’ve had a few. None were the awe inspiring “cure cancer” types. Instead, my greatest accomplishments all center around shared experiences with others.
As a loner and and introvert, I wouldn’t have predicted this.
I once had a mentor say to me,
“Steve, I’m terrible at predicting the future.”
Me too.