My wife says I dress like nobody loves me. But her attempts to shame me into dressing better will never work. I already know she loves me.
I’ve never had much of a sense of style.
As a child, I couldn’t figure what colors matched. I hated having to wear uncomfortable “school clothes” and couldn’t wait to get home so I could put on my play clothes. I paid no attention what others kids wore at school.
As a result, I never felt deprived that I had fewer clothes than the my peers and rarely was in style.
Nothing has really changed since then.
My wife, on the other hand, loves fashion.
She’ll wear just about anything when she’s gardening, but if she’s leaving the house to walk the dog or go to the grocery store, she’ll get dressed up. She shops for days online searching for the latest T-shirt, stretch pants or blouse.
My son is also quite meticulous in how he dresses. He’s wears fitted brand name clothing and high-priced bedazzled sneakers. When he travels he packs a steam iron – which I find hilarious.
That’s my family. I love them, so I don’t give them much flack over what they spend on clothes even though I think it’s a ripoff.
Fashion is a scam made up my marketers to ensure they can sell us a steady supply of new clothes that we don’t need.
So you can imagine how I reacted a few years ago when my boss told me I needed to buy a new wardrobe.
I was running a sales team of high-energy millennials. We were crushing our numbers and setting records every month.
In my first annual review, my boss had written,
“You need to buy a new wardrobe. Your clothes are too big. You must have lost a lot of weight. You need to be someone who our reps want to emulate. They won’t if you don’t dress better. I want you to have Anna and Laura, our fashion experts, take you out shopping for a new wardrobe.”
I was absolutely livid.
- Anna and Laura worked for me. They spent way too much money on their own expensive clothing. There was absolutely no way I’d let them take me shopping.
- I told my boss that if a rep didn’t respect me because of how I dressed, then that rep was working for the wrong guy. My job was to hit the number, make the reps successful, help them with their careers and give them a great place to work. All of which I did.
- Worst of all, I knew he was a little bit right. I had lost weight so my clothes were kind of baggy. But they were quite comfortable and serviceable so I had no intention of replacing them.
After complaining bitterly to my wife, who said, “I’ve been telling you for years your clothes are too big”, I reluctantly went with her to Macy’s. She helped me find better fitting Polo Jeans, a suit, some shirts and 2 blazers. Then I added a few more shirts from LL Bean and Lands End to round out my new wardrobe.
There’s no doubt my upgraded clothes looked better. My boss complimented me. My wife was thrilled. Even I had to admit (begrudgingly) that better fitting clothes made me look better.
I donated everything that was too large to Goodwill.
Here is the Ainslie Guide to Fashion
- All clothing must be comfortable and weather/activity appropriate.
- It should hide stains and match nearly everything. Most items are black, gray, or olive green.
- Never buy clothing unless it is absolutely necessary (the holes must be big enough that body parts are falling out).
- Only buy items I love and will wear everyday.
- All items must be machine washable. “Dry clean or Hand Wash only ” is unacceptable.
- Buy quality clothing that fits well and lasts a long time.
By following these rules, I am thrilled to maintain an inexpensive, yet functional wardrobe. Since I no longer work in an office, I rarely have to dress up. Most of the time, I’m in shorts and a T-Shirt.
Hidden Benefits
I never have to think about what to wear.
I almost never iron anything.
I can get dressed in the dark. (My wife often says I look like I did).
I rarely have to shop.
I’ve still got a closetful of clothes from my fashion makeover back in 2013.
Other than replacing worn out items, I’ll never go clothes shopping again.