I’ve always made friends at school, at work and where I’ve lived.
During my younger McJob years, we’d hang out after work, go to parties and even date. Even after I was married and had a family, I always had a few good friends at every job.
A few of these grew into lifelong friendships. But most have not.
I used to feel bad that it was because I wasn’t a good friend. Or that my former friends weren’t ever really my friend.
Now that I’m older, I see things differently.
When it was convenient for both of us, we were friends. But when it became inconvenient or even unrealistic, our friendship faded away.
We all only have so much time and energy to invest. In many cases, when I left a job, I was effectively closing the door on my former life.
- Sometimes, I moved far away and had to focus my time and attention on my new home.
- Other times, my work level significantly increased – I’d be arriving earlier, staying later and working weekends to learn my new job. I was too busy with work to keep in touch.
- Still other times, I’d make attempts to keep the friendship going, but the response was lukewarm.
I finally realized that it’s normal (for me) to have friendships of convenience come and go. Had I stayed at the same job or at least in the same town, I imagine many of those friendships would have continued.
But long-distance friendships are not the same as being in-person. By phone we can still share stories, catch up and offer occasional support. But it’s far less meaningful than being near someone you can grab lunch with, call for help with a home repair, or just drop in on.
Today I’ve got just a few close long distance friends.
I have fond memories of time spent with dozens of other former friends of convenience. Occasionally we connect to catch up or when we cross paths due to work or coincidence.
But our lives have moved on and our friendship has faded away.
And that’s OK.