Some of us who own dogs decline invitations, leave social events early or avoid get-togethers saying “I have to get home to take care of the dogs.” I’ve done this. My family members have done this. My wife used to do this. Friends do this.
People who want us to join them will try to convince us it’s not necessary. They’ll say “Your dog will be fine wait another hour to go out or get fed”. Or, if we’ve done this regularly (which we do), they’ll get frustrated and complain that we treat our dog like royalty. Sometimes they’ll offer concrete practical suggestions for us to board the dogs or get a dog sitter so we can visit them on a trip, attend a wedding, or do a joint vacation.
Here’s the thing – it’s not really the dogs.
It’s that we’d rather be home than be with you. Most of us won’t come out and say this because it sounds so unkind.
But it’s not about you. It’s about us.
I haven’t seen my mother in 5 years. The last time I saw her was when I traveled to her city for work and we met for dinner. It was pleasant.
I offered to fly her to Florida a few years ago to visit my wife and I in Florida in the winter for a few days. She could stay in our guest bedroom. I’d said I would pay for her flight, boarding her dogs and any expenses. She declined, saying she needed to stay home because of the dogs.
She loves me – but didn’t want to visit. It wasn’t because of the dogs. It was some other reason. And that’s OK with me.
Because I do the same thing all the time.
The truth is, I’m very much a homebody who loves my routine. My home is an oasis of comfort. I love being here. I love being with my dogs. It takes a lot to break me out of my routine.
I’m also old enough now that I am completely at ease saying “no.” I no longer even use my dogs as an excuse. Instead, I tell the truth:
- I appreciate the invitation to the party, but I don’t like parties so I won’t be coming.
- Sorry, I hate flying and being away from my home overnight so I’m not going to join your trip.
- I would rather move somewhere than travel there.
I’m not lazy. I’m not afraid of new experiences. I’m not even stubbornly set in my ways. I do enjoy new experiences, meeting new people and seeing new things. I just prefer to do them on my terms, in my own small, quiet way.
So, if you happen to hear from a loved one that they have to go home take care of the dogs, it might be partly true. But, they also likely want to go home and take care of the dogs more than do anything else.
And it’s OK. They still love you.