I have always taken pride in my ability to grind through difficulties. This ability is a point of pride and core to my identity. It has enabled me to get through many challenges in life:
- Chaotic childhood w/ mostly negligible parental support
- Multiple relocations, school changes and complete disconnection from old friends, neighbors & family
- Fitness, health, injuries, disease and related costs/concerns/management
- 29 year marriage that included stepchildren, financial difficulties and severe health problems for my wife
- Various challenging work situations including career changes, layoffs, economic disasters
- Educational, career and financial difficulties
- …
I could add to this list for hours, but you get the idea.
I may not be fast. I may not be the best. But I keep grinding.
It’s an approach that has worked for me my entire life.
When I was about 40 years was the first time I noticed I couldn’t grind as hard as I used to. Two things stood out to me.
- My high intensity workouts were harder to maintain. It was harder for me to get psyched up about a hard workout. I was getting more frequent injuries that took longer to recover from too- especially when I pushed too hard or too long.
- I joined a startup division to lead a team of 100+ newly hired, mostly recent college graduates (average age ~24). They could work from 7AM-7P, go out for dinner and drinks and then do it again the next day. I, on the other hand, could no longer handle that pace. At most, I could do one two extra long days a week and even then, I preferred going home to relax with my wife.
Like many people, I adjusted. I suspect this is a common experience of aging
Now I’m 57.
I’m retired, widowed and live a low key, comfortable life. I still like to grind, but I can’t grind the way I used to.
Although I am very physically and mentally active, I’ve learned to accept the limitations that come with aging.
My workouts are less intense. I don’t push for personal records, stretch goals or feats of strength and endurance. Gentle is better – I am fitter, stronger and most importantly, experience fewer injuries.
I notice how extreme temperatures affect me more. When the temps drop below 30 or rise above 85, I adjust my dog walks and routes to accommodate both my dogs and my own physical discomfort. I’ve realized that “comfortable” weather for me is 55-80 and ideal is more like 65-75. That’s a significant departure from grinding through subzero Pittsburgh temps in winter and Florida’s blazing sun with 90+ temps.
I have intentionally not relocated to Arizona or Florida because I no longer have the heart to deal with extreme summer desert temps (AZ) or hurricanes (FL).
Occasionally, I think about returning to work. I’d love to make a big load of money and sometimes miss the camaraderie of an enthusiastic, driven team. But just reading the job descriptions that require in-office time, business travel and the grind of sales management is enough to shut down that desire for me.
I gave up on dating after a six month effort a few years ago. The ROI wasn’t worth the effort.
In recent years, people I know through casual interactions have reached out with gestures of friendship (invitations to dinner, music events, parties). I like these people and am genuinely faltered by their offers. But the truth is, I have zero interest in putting in the effort to attend social events or develop a deeper friendship. It’s not them, it’s me.
I don’t mind that I can no longer grind the way I used to. My motivations for grinding have waned since my wife died. I am not under the financial or work pressures that existed for most of my life. I don’t feel like I need to advance, change the world or “make my mark”.
I workout a lot. I spend a lot of time walking, swimming and hanging out with my dogs. I listen to podcasts, write this blog, draw, paint, drum and read.
I like to putter around the house doing chores, doing maintenance/repairs and tweaking things to my heart’s desire.
Grinding was great. But, like many other things, that chapter of life has closed for me. Other than for occasional emergencies, I don’t anticipate reopening it.