You might never know the real result of your small act kindness. After my wife died in 2018, I was overwhelmed with grief. I buried myself in projects: selling the house, giving away all of our stuff, and planning a road trip. The projects helped me get through the day – for a while.
But my grief was all encompassing. It would hit me in waves. When it hit, it drove me to my knees sobbing so hard my head would throb, my chest would tighten and I’d collapse to the floor. I was sad all the time.
That continued, every single day, for more than 6 months.
I thought about killing myself every day. One thing that kept me from killing myself was the kindness of others. Here are some of the kind acts from strangers that kept me hanging onto a thin thread.
The Checkout Girl – Twice a week I’d pickup a rotisserie chicken from Lucky’s Food Market for dinner. The checkout girl was a young, twenty something brunette with a huge smile. When she smiled, her eyes would sparkle and crinkle at the edges. I went to Lucky’s just to see her because seeing her gave me hope. She reminded me that the world was not all sadness all the time.
The Coworker – Someone who worked at Citrix emailed me after hearing that my wife died. I knew his name and he received my Inside Sales Dude newsletter, but we had never met. He wrote that his wife had died from cancer two years earlier. He said ““…it will be incredibly difficult for you…but eventually will get better.” Many times, when I was particularly down, it was comforting to think of his words.
The Woman Camper in Albuquerque – Unlike most of the homeless nomads I met on the road, the woman traveled with her husband. She gave me recommendations for cool sites to visit. She told me about her grown kids, she and her husband’s life-on-the-road, and their plans for the future. She was cool, attractive, friendly and totally normal. At a time when I needed some type of normal social interaction, she delivered.
The Teenager Who Baked Me Christmas Cookies – Just days after my wife died, my neighbor’s teenage daughter dropped off a plate of homemade Christmas cookies. Her father told me she felt bad for me that I my wife had died and I’d be alone for Christmas.
The People Who Called Me Just To Check In – They know who they are because I’ve thanked them. Some called daily, others weekly. They would messages like this when I didn’t answer, “Just checking in, wanted to let you know I’m thinking about you…if you want to talk, I’m available anytime. If you don’t, that’s OK too.”
The Blogger – I “met” this guy when he commented on a post I wrote. Occasionally we’d comment on each others posts. He doesn’t know it – but he’s like the father I always wanted. In his posts and his exchanges with me, he’d offer insight, wisdom, humor and support. I still look forward to our exchanges 3 years later.
The Neighbor Who Invited Me To A Cookout – I’m not sure why my neighbor invited me to a 4th of July cookout a month after I settled back in Raleigh, but it was the first real social event I had in more than a year. I met his family, his friends and his dogs. It was refreshingly – normal.
I still make an effort to recognize, appreciate and acknowledge the little acts of kindness people do for me today. Whether it’s the pool checking guy asking about my surgery, the grocery store clerk coming over to help me with the self-checkout, the driver who let’s me cut into traffic or the neighbor who baked me a cake when I moved in.
I try to do the same for others.
You never know when your small act of kindness might be the one thing helps someone hang on when everything seems to falling apart.
And even if it’s not, it’s still a good thing.