I wish I could claim that I came up with this formula. I can’t. I heard Arthur Brooks say it on this podcast. While most people focus their efforts on increasing “haves” through more work, more purchases and more consumption, Brooks argues for decreasing “wants” as the way to be happier.
I agree. In fact, this has been something I’ve been doing for most of my life and especially during the past 15 years. The less I want (and have), the happier my life gets.
Brooks says that people have a hard time knowing makes them happy. He says,
“You have to go against Mother Nature if you want to be happy.”
Arthur Brooks
Brooks explains that from an evolutionary perspective relating to survival and reproduction, humans are designed to binge on foods, activities, drugs and behaviors that cause dopamine spikes. The dopamine spikes make us feel good temporarily, reinforcing the survival behavior.
The problem is that we were designed for premodern society. In modern society, we have nearly limitless access to high calorie foods, stimulating social media, gambling, porn, drugs, alcohol, sexual partners etc. Many people consume one or more of these in excess, sometimes to the point of addiction because we like the dopamine hit.
But overconsumption and addiction don’t make us happy. They make us feel better only temporarily.
My personal overconsumption has included food, buying stuff and alcohol. I spent decades living with direct negative consequences of all three – being overweight, being in debt and being drunk. There were plenty of indirect negative consequences including lack of opportunities, stress, relationship problems, self-esteem issues, etc.
Fortunately, for me, I now live a life free from the burden of excess wants. In retrospect, the answer to my happiness problems was obvious. But when I am in the thick of overconsumption, even I “know it”, I often don’t stop the behavior until the pain gets great enough to force a change.
If you aren’t happy, I recommend listening the podcast linked above. It might help you avoid having to learn these lessons slowly, the way I did.