On my wife’s birthday this year she got a dozen roses, a bunch of cards and a gift certificate for an expensive dinner out.
Then she got hospice.
Happy F***ing Birthday.
But what seemed like a tragic coincidence turned out to be a godsend.
The week before her birthday, my wife had suffered day after day of excruciating pain from her spreading cancer.
Unlike the previous 9 months, during which she had suffered plenty, this pain was different.
Nothing could relieve it – even momentarily.
She laid in bed moaning, crying and writhing in agony. Pain medication didn’t help. She couldn’t speak. She couldn’t eat. She couldn’t sit up.
In a moment of lucidity we discussed the treatments the oncologist recommended – more radiation, an experimental chemo drug, ongoing scans and tests.
We had already scheduled radiation for her brain, breast and chest.
Then Ellen said, “What’s the point in doing any of it? We know the cancer is spreading everywhere. We know it’s spreading quickly. Why bother going through the radiation if it’s only going to pop up somewhere else?”
And so I called VITAS hospice.
WIth a few hours, a nurse was at my door. She spoke to me for a while about my wife, her treatments, her medicines etc. Then she did a brief assessment of my wife, who by this time was delirious with pain.
Then the nurse turned into a General.
She told me:
- We’re increasing her pain meds immediately. I’m calling the local pharmacy and they will be ready for you to pick-up within an hour.
- I’m order a hospital bed, a wheelchair, oxygen, a commode chair, a shower chair and supplies. They’ll be here in a few hours.
- Tomorrow FedX will deliver a month’s supply of medications to you from our pharmacy.
- Your doctor, your dedicated nurse and your respiratory therapist will be visiting you within the next 2 hours.
- We are giving you round the clock in home nursing coverage until we get your wife’s pain under control and make both her and you comfortable.
It was an unbelievable difference from our experience with “traditional healthcare”.
- The doctor and nurse made housecalls!
- Appointments were made right then, on the spot. No BS, no delays, no prior-authorization required.
- No delays or hassle in getting prescriptions or meds. I didn’t even know that was possible.
Everyone we spoke to at VITAS said, “Our #1 priority is to make you and your wife comfortable. We will do whatever we can to make this possible.”
Then they delivered on it.
They delivered when they insisted on giving me medical equipment I was sure we wouldn’t need (we ended up using most of it).
They delivered when they showed up on time, every time they said they would.
They delivered when got my wife’s pain under control within 48 hours. For the first time in 6 months, she could move without grimacing and gasping from pain.
They offered 24/7 nursing coverage in my home. Naturally, I refused this.
The nurse looked at me, undoubtedly seeing the bags under my eyes and my total exhaustion at being unable to relive my wife’s suffering and didn’t argue. She simply said, “OK, if things get worse or you change your mind, it’s always an option.”
The next day, I accepted 24/7 nurses and was able to sleep through the night for the first time in weeks without worrying about my wife.
I wish all healthcare had been like VITAS hospice. They put my wife and our family’s welfare first.
It’s still shockingly unbelievable how kind, responsive and attentive the nurses, aides and doctors have been.
I’m used to our modern healthcare system that is driven by squeezing as much profit as possible out of the patients.
I’m used to inconvenient appointments. Long hold times. Insurance reimbursement hassles. Unexpected bills. Harried nurses and overextended doctors who can’t give more than 5 minutes of attention.
My wife dying is tragic. The entire experience has been pretty awful. But calling in hospice on her birthday might be the best gift I ever gave her.
Note:
I reread this post on January 9, 2024 because it relates to a post I just wrote. It’s been 5 years since my wife died and still, reading this post makes my heart ache. I miss my wife every day and still wish I could have made the last 8 months of her life better than they were.