I’ve been thinking and dreaming about my wife a lot lately. Most of the dreams have been pleasant with us doing ordinary things today like we did when we were were younger and happy (and alive, in her case).
I miss those days.
Dating, love, family and relationships are discussed on almost every podcast I listen to. There is incessant hand wringing about dating apps, being ghosted, the loneliness “epidemic”, young men who cannot attract a mate, women who can’t find a “nice guy” (who’s also over 6 ft tall and makes over $200K), difficulties with marriages, yada, yada, yada.
Lastly, for whatever reason, I’ve been seeing a lot of videos of high school in the ’80s on my reddit and Youtube feeds. I enjoy watching them. The girls with their big feathered hair, the guys with mullets, the clothes, the way everyone looks…normal.
All of this makes me think about love.
I loved several women in my life. I think about all of them occasionally. I wonder how their lives have turned out. I hope they are all happy. I hope that I didn’t do anything to hurt their feelings or make them feel bad about themselves – even when I was the one to break things off.
I’ve searched for them online to satisfy my curiosity. I’ve found very little that tells me anything. I know a few got married based on their name changes. I have no idea if they have kids, are still married, what they do for work, etc.
I’m not searching for love with them. I’m remembering the love we shared when we were kids.
We aren’t kids anymore. We haven’t been for a long time.
If I was looking for love today, I’d do what worked for me back then. I’d put myself in a place where I’d have regular, casual contact with the same women frequently. I’d talk and flirt with a woman I liked and was attracted to. If we “vibed”, I’d ask her out and see where it went from there.
For me, the dating apps were like going on blind dates, except being able to see a picture and read a few witty lines in a profile before the date.
I went on a few blind dates back in the day. None worked out because we didn’t know each other at all and hadn’t built any type of connection before going on a date.
Just like the women I met online via dating a few years ago.
As for single people today who are searching for love and not finding it with dating apps, my advice would be the same. If you haven’t found it yet, stop looking for it online. The odds are too slim.
I wouldn’t go to a nightclub or bar – unless you enjoy that atmosphere, can turn it into a hangout and plan to become a regular (like Cheers).
- Maybe I’d join a gym – or even better a gym like CrossFit where camaraderie, teamwork and socializing are part of the experience.
- Maybe I’d take some classes – in person, not online.
- Maybe I’d join a club or volunteer somewhere to be around like-minded people.
- Maybe I’d join a church.
- Maybe I’d find a job where people my age & experience worked.
But you already know all this. It’s the same advice everyone gives to anybody looking for a partner, a friend or a spouse.
I know it to. I’m not doing any of it because I am not looking. I had the love of my life already. I still miss her (and sometimes, the ones who were almost the “one” too).