I am an impatient man. I want what I want and I want it now. That pretty much covers it.
When I am unable to get what I want according to my timeframe (immediately), I have a few choices:
- Accept that I can’t control the timeline or result.
- Get frustrated and create machinations in my head to get my way.
- Enjoy the experience for what it is and deal with the end result when it happens.
I’ve gotten pretty good at #1. Most situations, people and things are beyond my control. Much of the time, I can sigh and calmly accept the reality of my situation.
I have far too much experience practicing #2. For decades I tried to manipulate the world and its people to get my way. Sometime in my mid 30s, I gave up trying to force the world to accept my plans and my life got much easier. Still, that doesn’t stop my mind from racing for alternatives and schemes to get my way. Fortunately, today, these don’t last long. As I review my crazy ideas in my head, I can often discard them and move on with the day’s activities.
Enjoying the experience while waiting (and of possibly never getting what I want) (#3) is fairly new to me. In the past three years, I’ve had many experiences with doing this:
- Living on the road with a mostly unplanned route and constant last minute adjustments (a constant cluster****)
- Settling down in Raleigh and rebuilding my life (took 2 years)
- Having two unexpected surgeries (wait times for consults, surgery, recovery, follow ups)
- Getting a puppy (house training was not as fast as I had hoped)
- Making new friends (slow)
- Dating (ish) (even slower)
- Learning to paint (6 months following videos, 6 more months starting from scratch, competence beginning around 12 months)
- Returning to drum playing (actually better and faster than expected, mostly)
- Getting back to peak physical condition following injuries and surgeries (ongoing)
My approach to #3 is to intentionally make a decision to enjoy the process. Then, as things move forward more slowly than I want them to, I have to repeat this intentional declaration in my head. Sometimes, I’ll even call my mother or a friend to ask them to remind me of what I said at the beginning. Usually by that time, we’re both laughing.
It’s easier for me when I’m the only person involved in the activity.
It’s harder for me when other people are involved because then I can’t even pretend to have any control over the timeline. On top of that, my desired outcome and timeframe are different from others who are involved. They want what they want – when they want it.
One reason I’m writing this today is because I have a friend who is making himself miserable lately because he is not getting what he wants immediately. He’s tried to plot, scheme and machinate to get his way and it has failed.
He called me for advice.
I told him what I do when I must wait for something to happen (or perhaps never happen).
I plow forward and get things done. I’ve got plenty of things to do while waiting for life to unfold. I exercise, I clean the house, I walk the dogs, I swim, paint, I drum, I read, cook and I write.
Would I rather be getting what I want right now? Of course I would.
But that’s irrelevant.
And so I told my friend, for what seems like the thousandth time, that he has plenty he needs to do besides trying to manipulate someone into doing what he wants right now.
I told him, manipulating and scheming never work out. He has to accept that he cannot control the timeline, the process or the person’s decision. But in the meantime, he has plenty to do. He has chores, repairs, friends in need, hobbies and activities that would fill more than 24 hours a day. I recommended he go about doing those things.
He didn’t like my advice and likely won’t follow it because he didn’t like or follow it the previous 999 times I advised him similarly.
I wish he would. It would his life better and our conversation more productive. In fact, I wish he would take all of my advice and act on it immediately.
Because I too, want what I want and I want it now. 😉