Most of my life I had plenty of friends. I never had a problem making friends. Ever since I was old enough to talk, I had at least one best friend plus a bunch of good friends.
This changed when I went to college. My friends and I went to different schools, had different schedules and did different activities. We occasionally hung out on weekends when we could.
Then I met my wife. Overnight, my life drastically changed. Instead of being a 21 year college kid, I became a husband, a stepfather (and a full time employee).
Instant family! I loved it.
But, I no longer had time for my old friends. I also had little in common with them anymore. I had dropped out of college, moved across the city and changed everything in my life. In the meantime, they were still in school, dating and acting like normal college kids.
When our kids were little, my wife and I rarely had downtime. Our days were jam-packed from the time we woke until we collapsed in bed at night. When we we were able to squeeze in a date night, we relished an evening by ourselves with dinner, a movie or a concert, and some drinks.
Still, as long as we lived in our hometown of Pittsburgh, we managed to maintain some of our old friendships.
When we moved 1200 miles away a lot of those faded away.
I was used to moving away and losing friends. I’d done this 3 times in my childhood. We moved. I never saw my friends again. I made new ones.
As a grown up, it is different. Ellen and I stay in touch with a few friends from our hometown. We talk on the phone, email each other and see them when we visit Pittsburgh. But it’s not the same as having a friend who lives down the street.
With two exceptions, we’ve made no good friends after relocating to different states for my work. We had acquaintances – the neighbors, people at the gym, and coworkers. But none became close friends.
As I look back over my friendships, there were a few common elements:
- We spent time with each other regularly.
- We shared common experiences together. (School, work, sports, family, neighborhoods, kid stuff, etc.)
- We got along with each other.
- In time, we’d help each other, build deeper bonds and become true friends.
I think had we not relocated so many times, I’d have more friends. Or if I made an effort today to spend time with others, I could make new friends.
I don’t because I’m content to spend time with my wife, my pets, my son and myself.
I do think about it from time to time. So maybe I should make an effort to make a new friend.