One of the themes of the Solo Podcast, is that it is OK to be single and unconventional. The host and his guests frequently discuss lifestyles of solo people who don’t ride the “relationship escalator” (dating…move in together… engaged…married…have children…have grandchildren…together until death).
Peter refers to being solo as being unapologetically single and unconventional. From listening to see of his guests and articulating in his user forums, it’s clear that many singles need to hear this. They often talk about societal pressure to conform. They talk about feeling bad when they attend family gatherings and are questioned about their relationship status. They talk about stigmas, anxiety and not fitting in.
It must suck to be them.
I feel none of that.
Permission to be unconventional is not needed here.
I suspect that it’s partly because I already rode the “relationship escalator” and had a long successful marriage (defined by: married until one partner dies). I’ve got nothing to prove there.
But there’s more to it for me.
I’ve been unconventional my entire life. I value intrinsic rewards much more than extrinsic rewards and recognition. I was born this way. From my youngest years, I remember pursuing goals that were quite important to me but completely unimportant to those around me.
When I was really young, I wanted to learn: how to whistle, how to blow bubbles with gum, how to ride a two wheel bike, how to shoot a gun, how to read and how to speak Spanish.
I wanted to get straight A’s in school and 100% on all my exams. I wanted to learn how to cook.
As a teen, I wanted to become fit, swim laps like the old ladies who were tireless, and have a steady girlfriend.
I wanted to learn advanced Mathematics and Biology.
I wanted to make the college wrestling team.
And on and on.
Very few of my pursuits were done to impress others. If they did, that was a nice bonus (especially when I was a teenager and most into “looking cool”).
But I haven’t been a teenager for a longggg time. I’m not cool and I don’t look it. And I don’t care.
Many of the solos who express angst are women. They often speak of societal pressures total in love, get married and have children. So that’s a huge difference. Nobody – other than me and my wife – ever cared a whit about whether I did any of those.
Since I’ve been single for 4 years now, I have a few friends who encourage me to date and say things like: “you’ll find someone special when you aren’t looking“. They make predications and speak about chance, love, fate and happily ever after.
Well perhaps I will. Since I’m terrible at predicting the future, I won’t speculate about this.
Right now, I have zero interest in changing anything about myself to fit someone else’s expectations. Lucky for me, nobody has any for me.