My wife used to hate saying goodbye to people. She said it made her sad to think she might not see them for a long time. So she would say, “Until we see each other again! I love you.”
I liked that about my wife. She was a special kind of person.
I, on the other hand, used to say nothing to people when I left. I simply disappeared. I learned during my chaotic childhood to shut down inside so that I wouldn’t feel the sadness of leaving my family, friends and everything familiar when we abruptly moved to a new city, a new neighborhood or a new school district.
I couldn’t handle the pain of being honest and vulnerable. So instead, I disappeared without saying goodbye, figuring it would be easier for everyone.
I was wrong. But, it was the only coping mechanism I had.
After spending most of my life cutting people out of my life when I moved away, I made a decision in my 30s that I would no longer do this. Since then, when I am leaving, I tell the people how much I care for them. I tell them what they meant to me. I tell them that I’ll miss them. I tell them goodbye.
I don’t make false promises. Instead, I tell them that I likely won’t keep in touch and that I may never see them again. If this is the last we see of each other, I want them to know how I feel about them and the relationship we shared.
As I approach my 55th birthday, I realize there are some people in my life who I speak to regularly but will likely never see again. I’m a homebody with 2 dogs who hates to travel. They are adults who live far away and have their own lives and priorities.
None of us are making an effort to see each other.
In different chapters of our lives, our paths crossed frequently due to convenience, coincidence and location. Now, our paths have diverged. Life and the distance between us have changed the nature of our relationship.
For me, this is normal.
I admire people who stay connected over decades of their lives. My wife had a best friend for nearly 50 years and several close friends she stayed connected to for decades. My sister has stayed in touch with friends from high school, old jobs and even earlier. I have neighbors who travel cross country to meet with lifelong friends. I’ll bet it’s kind of wonderful for all of them.
That just has not been my path.