As I mentioned a few weeks ago, I’ve been summoned for Jury Duty and am not pleased about it. I have been mulling over ideas for how to ensure I’m not selected for a jury. Since I no longer lie, my ideas all boil down to one tactic – be a complete a$$hole when questioned in voir dire.
But just like those perfect witty comebacks I think of hours after I need them, these tactics won’t help me. I just don’t have it in me to be an an a$$hole. (Some of my friends and family would surely disagree – thinking I do fine job of it without even trying.)
The truth is, I can’t purposely act that way toward lawyers, judges, government employees or acquaintances. I see them all as human beings who deserve to be treated with respect and kindness.
So saying outrageous things or being belligerent in an attempt to be kicked off the jury isn’t going to happen.
Instead, I’m going to be completely truthful. I’ve read that most cases are drug crime related. I have strong opinions about drug related crime and the the criminal justice system.
- I think all drugs should be legalized, taxed and regulated.
- I think the criminal justice system targets the poor and is a money driven enterprise that is unfair and unjust.
- I think nobody should be arrested for using drugs, selling drugs or possessing drugs.
- My experience with police (and my friends & family’s experiences) have been unpleasant. We’re all law abiding upstanding citizens. On occasion, we’ve gotten tickets for minor traffic violations and the cops were always arrogant, cocky and disrespectful. The same goes for any judges we’ve encountered in courtrooms.
- My experience with the jury selection process has demonstrated how backwards, slow, and cumbersome the government can be.
- I have very little respect for lawyers. I’ve been unimpressed with them in business law and family law.
- I think a lot of criminals are repeat offenders and dirt balls. I have no problem with someone being jailed for wife beating, child abuse, robbery, assault and many other crimes. Regardless of the facts of my particular case, if I feel this person is a menace, I’m going to find them guilty.
- On the other hand, if I think the cops and DA are taking advantage of someone’s lack of education or resources, I’ll let them off- regardless of the facts of the case.
I plan to say all of this when questioned, if given the chance.
I also know that a juror can decide a case if they think a law is unjust. I will bring that up too.
Lastly, I was a VP of Sales. I ran sales teams ranging from 3 people to 200 people. I know how to motivate people. I know how to convince people. I know how to win arguments and get people to do what I want.
I will say that too.
The best part is that all of this is true.
Hopefully this will make me thoroughly unappealing to both the prosecution and the defense and I’ll be dismissed.
Even better would be if they cancel the selection process altogether because they do not need to select jurors on my day.
We shall see in a few weeks.