In The Paradox of Choice, the author Barry Schwartz writes that having too many choices can make us less happy and less satisfied. His argument holds true for me personally. While I like having a few choices, I find that having too many choices is overwhelming.
It’s obvious to any regular reader of this blog that I purposely structure my work life, my home life and my social life using principles that narrow my choices. This morning I was listening to a podcast about dating apps today and the plethora of choices presented to users and had a epiphany:
We don’t always have a plethora of choices…we have the illusion of choice.
My local grocery store is a prime example. It offers a seemingly unlimited variety of foods. The produce section is full of colorful, fresh and fragrant fruits and vegetables. But I don’t eat most of them. The same is true of the cereal aisle, the candy section, the frozen foods department. There are 100s or 1000s of choices. But I don’t eat any of that sh**.
Dating apps, which prompted this post, present us with 100s of potential matches. But, as any average man using the apps can attest to, swiping on an attractive candidate has a low percentage of getting a match and an even lower possibility of having a date, let alone forming a relationship.
Voting seems like it gives us a choice between 2 parties, and on the rarest of occasions, 3 parties. But, once they are elected, there’s really not much difference between the major party candidates.
Career – We are raised to believe that anyone can become anything in the US because we have “freedom”. Not really. There are many other factors that come into play like family connections, wealth/poverty, support systems, education and natural ability. When I look into the background of successful people, I am surprised how followed the same career path as their parents who were successful. Politicians, actors, professional athletes, doctors, lawyers, business men and educators. There are always exceptions – but there are many more who had the advantage of familial connections.
Consumer Stuff – From homes to cars to clothes to toys, we have seemingly unlimited choices. In some cases, especially for cheap crap, this appears to be true. But it’s not really. We are always constrained by budget, storage space and even shopping time.
I think it is helpful to examine choices. It makes my life exponentially better to eliminate huge swaths of options from consideration altogether.
Going back to the list above here’s what I have done:
Grocery store – I don’t eat 95% of what is in the grocery store so my shopping takes me about 15 minutes a week.
Voting – After a lifetime of voting, paying attention to politics and tying to be an informed, thoughtful citizen, I quit voting altogether.
I quit using dating apps because my match rate was <1% and my dating “success” was even less. It was a waste of time and did not deliver the results I sought.
Career– I screwed up here. My career would have been much different had I made better decisions and more intelligent choices. I can’t go back in time to fix this. It could have been worse. At least when I was in my mid 30s, I focused on tech sales only which led me down the best path I could follow at the time.
Consumer stuff – I’m anti consumerist and minimalist. This paradox of choice is not a problem for me anymore.
When I started using dating apps, I really expected I would meet my next girlfriend and that it would be relatively simple and easy.
Boy was I wrong.
Instead I got something more.
I learned how to live a better life.