Good or bad, people tend to act the way they acted in the past. When I expect someone to act differently, I am usually disappointed
In the past year, I’ve witnessed this occur with family members, friends, business leaders and politicians. Worst of all, I’ve witnessed it in me.
In the last 3 years, I transformed from a broken, grieving widower into a happily early retired single man. My days are filled with exercise, long walks, dogs, swimming, painting, drumming and taking care of business. I’m autonomous, free and content.
I still miss the “good old days” with my wife. Sometimes, I grieve the loss of her, us and our love. But most of the time, I’m quite happy.
When I started dating 6 months ago, I quickly realized that my “old ways” weren’t going to work when dating. I had been with my wife for 29 years. I knew how to be a good husband with her but I was completely out of my element dating different women.
I thought I’d change. I resolved to push outside of my comfort zone. And I did.
I pursued many women. I went on a bunch of dates. I upgraded my wardrobe. I tried new foods. I visited new places and tried to come up with interesting date ideas.
After 6 months of this, I took stock and realized that the only part of my life I didn’t enjoy was the dating part.
Go figure.
I learned a lot in those 6 months. Looking back, I only wish I would have done a few things differently. But I did the best I could at the time and I doubt making those hindsight corrections would have made a significant difference.
I am who I am.
And although my life is quite different than it was just a few years ago, I’m still the same guy.
I’m introverted. I’m quiet. I’m confident. I enjoy pursuing solitary activities. I don’t pay much attention to things that don’t interest me. I don’t like crowds, loud noise or processed foods. I like predictability, schedules and routine. I’m high energy but easygoing. I like peace. I’m at best average looking on a handsomeness scale. I’m financially solid, emotionally secure and extremely physically fit because I work hard to be this way.
Clearly, from my online dating experiences, none of this makes me a top tier prospect for women I’m attracted to.
But I can’t change my character. I won’t even try.
I am who I am. And I like myself this way.